A look behind the curtains - we love doing these Season Previews. In fact, we often assign them to our crack staff of writers at the very beginning of Spring Training, before we really have any clear indication as to what will happen. In other words, I've had Carlos Silva on my tab ever since the beginning of February.
Looks like I hit the jackpot.
In the past week, Carlos Silva has quickly elevated to the front of our attention for two simple reasons:
1. He kind of sucks
2. See #1, plus he's kinda crazy
It's the latter point that makes Silva so interesting. Perhaps somewhere in the jetstream, while one headed toward Seattle and the other traveled to Chicago, Carlos Silva caught himself a case of Milton Bradley Disease, known most commonly as Cubbie Rage. It's just a matter of weeks before the fat pud begins ranting and raving about how we're all a bunch of racists who don't support our players, and that is why he gave up 5 earned runs in the 2nd inning. "I wouldn't wish Chicago on my worst enemies," he'll say. "When you suck, they'll tell you that you suck. What kind of fans do that?"
Answer: the best ones, my friends. The best fans.
Still, I can't hate Carlos Silva. After all, short of him dropping agent orange on the upper deck, there is no way, shape or form in which he could possibly be as big a detriment as the guy he replaced on the roster. He could explode - hell, he could assplode, and he'd still be a step up from Bradley.
So - what happens next? Well, we've discovered that the Cubs are still dysfunctional. They're giving up errors like playmates give up booty at the mansion. They're engaged in slapfights in the dugout. (Be thankful that Aramis Ramirez didn't think he was cock fighting... it could've gotten ugly.) But all of that is a digression for another article - it's Carlos Silva that we're focused on here, and the answer is simple:
Nothing happens. Life goes on. He's not going to get traded, he's not going to be released. Carlos is either going to begin the year as the 5th starter or he's going to be the long relief guy, and odds are good that he'll be starting. Not because he deserves it, but because the fat pud earns 8 digits in 2011. 13 million dollars buys a lot of sammiches, and the Cubs aren't going to be comfortable with Silva earning that money by making funny patterns out of the sunflower seed shells in the bullpen every day.
Besides - and I can't emphasize this enough - SPRING TRAINING STATS MEAN NOTHING. Y'hear me? NOTHING!!! It's just glorified practice. Silva could exit Arizona with an ERA higher than his average day's calorie count and he'd still be pitching in the 5th game in 2011. That's just the way it is.