Readers' Blog: Reasons for Optimism in 2011

It seems like a lot of folks are just not all that into the Cubs this year.  This is a good thing.  Why, you ask?  Remember, we're talking about the Cubs here.  It's their job to confuse us.

As soon as you give up hope, they start winning.  Look what happened when Beldar Conehead...er...I mean, Mike Quade took over last season.  We got Tyler Colvin impaled with a bat!!...uh...I mean they won 24 out of 37!
I know, I know, the pressure was off and the season was done but hey, at least the Cubs were winning.  And look for them to contend in 2011.  Here's why.
#1.  Alphonso Soriano is old.
He can't get by on raw talent anymore so he'll have to think.
#2.  Carlos Zambrano is crazy.
He'll milk this.  Would you want to dig in against a mad man hurling a rock hard object at 90 MPH? 
#3.  Kerry Wood is back.
Enough said.
#4.  Kosuke Fukudome is Japanese.
His crane position is devastating.  
#5.  Aramis Ramirez is bald.
His wife thinks Capt. Picard is sexy so he's stopped moping around the house. 
#6.  We got Matt Garza.
It takes a year of being a Cub for being a Cub to kick in.
#7.  Randy Wells is a redneck.
Hitters won't be able to see him because of his all camo uniform.
#8.  Starlin Castro is 21.
He can drink now.
#9.  Ryan Dempster is a clown.
The Bozo shoes will distract hitters.
#10.  Ryne Sandberg works for the Phillies.
A hole has been ripped in the space time continuum.
So you see, I can't wait for April 1st.  Wait a minute, April first?  Holy cow....

Filed under: Cubs, Reader Blogs

Tags: cubs, optimism

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  • #7- Randy Wells is not a redneck... more like a douchebag.

  • In reply to summerguy:

    Hmmmmm. Why don't we split the difference and call him a redbag.

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