I'm sure I can't be the only mom who occasionally has bad mommy moments. Moments when you feel like you must be a terrible mom based on something your child does or says in response to your words or actions. I had one of these moments recently and it really made me feel like crap. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but in that moment, I felt so small, so irresponsible as a parent.
I had recently taken down my hair and was struggling with what I would do with it for the work week. Out of frustration, I said "My hair is ugly." Not a big deal right? Well apparently, for my two year old, it was something worth repeating. She immediately looked at her own hair in the mirror and said, "Ma ma, my hair is uggie." She repeated it at least two more times while twirling one of her braids. Now I'm not sure if she truly knows the meaning of the word, but in that moment, she used it as if she did.
Though it may seem minimal, those words coming out of her mouth broke my heart as a parent. I never want my child to feel as if any part of her is ugly. I don't want her to have negative thoughts about herself at all. Even though I feel this way, I didn't think enough to watch my words in her presence. Clearly I didn't truly mean what I said, but in the moment, that's how I felt. My daughter may be too young to understand why I said what I said, but it didn't stop her from echoing my words, and even mimicking my frustration. The look on her face as she said those words, made me never want to speak them again.
How can I tell her she's beautiful every day and teach her the importance of loving herself, if I can't display that same sort of confidence about myself? My daughter is at an age where she admires me more than anything or anyone in the world. She hangs on my every word, wants to wear my shoes, even make me proud. One of her favorite songs is "Baby Bumblebee" and she proudly sings the part that says, "Won't my mommy be so proud of me," all the time. I make sure I let her know just how proud I am of her as much as possible. At two years old, recognizes all of the letters of the alphabet, sounds out words and is even trying to write her name. I'm not sure if that's standard two year old behavior, but I'm proud of her nevertheless.
Some times as parents we forget just how much our children watch our every move, hang on to our every word. Obviously, I know that this one moment doesn't make me a bad parent, but it truly made me feel like one. I'm sure all parents can relate to that feeling. The reasoning may not be the same, but there are going to be times when we feel like we're doing a crappy job at being parents. Our children may never feel that way, but that won't take away the guilt. As long as we do the best we can based on what's in the best interest of our children, we are doing our jobs. Do you have a bad mommy/daddy moment you wish to share? Feel free to drop it in the comments. As always, thanks so much for reading.