Gun rights and rape prevention: The perfect marriage

Note: This is satire. It doesn’t mean what it appears to say. I had hoped it would be unnecessary to state this, but alas, my reading of social media tells me that some people won’t know this unless it is pointed out to them. For instance, many people still don’t know that Andy Borowitz in The New Yorker is satire.

Yes, gun rights and rape prevention go together like peas and carrots.

Here’s how I figure:

So many women have experienced rape in so many seemingly civilized situations: the boss’s office, agent interviews, dates, bars, etc. Furthermore, they are unprepared for the situation and unable to defend themselves. Then because they didn’t fight back and because they didn’t go to the police immediately, figuring it would ruin their lives and not work out for the best, they are accused of lying—or extortion—when they speak out years later.

At the same time, we have a constitutional right to bear arms and to defend ourselves. It appears that the situations in which we have the right to fight back are wide open.

The best way for women to avoid rape is to carry guns and to use them.

Women are sadly underrepresented among shooters. From arguments within the home to confrontations with strangers, almost all violence is perpetrated by men.

For women to get the respect we deserve, let’s earn it with guns.

Enough thoughts and prayers. More bullet holes will send a strong message.

George Zimmerman got off on the fatal shooting of Trayvon Martin because he claimed self-defense. Since women tend to be smaller than men, self-defense is a sure-fire justification.

Is the potential rapist actually armed?

Good question.

Because he has his dingle-dangle between his legs at all times, the answer is always yes.

What about the Second Amendment?

It says something about a well-regulated militia. Yeah? Anyone see a well-regulated militia lately?

What counts is that the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

I guess “people” includes women.

I’m towards the left on the issue of the public’s access to guns but it looks like I’m in the minority. The President, the Senate, the House, and the newest member of the Supreme Court are all to the right.

The people have spoken. I stand enlightened.

I’m ready to breath freer and sleep easier when all of us women get guns.

Instead of defending ourselves after the fact with statements and tears, let’s defend ourselves in the moment with guns.

Danger and armed self-defense. The perfect combo.

 
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