April Fools' Day advice: How to tell if I've been replaced by an alien robot clone

I hate April Fools' Day. As a kid, I was pretty rule-abiding and gullible. People would prank me, and I'd cry (MOM). So, instead of pranking you all, I'm giving some advice in case YOU get pranked.

A popular sci-fi trope is the evil twin. In this bit, a hero is replaced by an android, clone, or alien replica. Then, a friend is stuck with a gun (or similar,) trying to identify their ally. We've all seen it- Star Trek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The One I Love. Sometimes, a goatee or flickering eyes give away the doppelganger. Other times, figuring it out is much harder.

Would you be able to identify a Geek Girl Chicago alien robot clone? As an April Fool's favor, gentle reader, here are some giveaways to help you bust my impostor. Please eliminate any Lauren you see in the following situations:

- I'm eating (and enjoying) any of the following foods: Blue cheese, asparagus, buffalo sauce, tentacled creatures, any shellfish that require breaking/cracking, anything that still has its eyeballs. I used to say that I hate all seafood, but then I had my mother-in-law's fried shrimp. :P

- I suddenly care about celebrity news. I cannot even remotely understand why the world is fascinated with the famous and wealthy. Kanye West, Meghan Trainor, Kate Middleton- if I suddenly squeal about what they're doing, it isn't me- it's a clone.

- Both my fingernails and the skin around them look on-point. I am a chronic nail-biter. If my nails are long, it means I have a special occasion coming up- a wedding, cosplay photoshoot, etc. I can't stop fiddling with them entirely, though. My picked, gnawed-on skin looks like hell. Perfect hands mean a not-so-perfect clone.

- My skin is tan. At best, my skin has been described as "porcelain" or "alabaster." At worst, I'm "sickly," "pasty," and "pale." Never, ever, EVER have I been tan- only burnt. A tan Lauren is not Lauren at all.

- A cosplay project is finished weeks in advance. I'm notoriously last-minute with my costume prep. If an outfit is perfectly sewn together well before the deadline, an evil robot probably did it.

- I say I want a cat, a baby, or to move to the suburbs. 'nuff said... but if you believe that Lauren in 2015 would say any of these, perhaps you deserve to be replaced by an evil, alien, robotic clone, too. <3

 

Happy April Fools' Day, geeks! Post below with how I can identify YOUR evil twin.

 

For more alien fun, listen to me on the latest episode of Caffeinated Comics. If you liked this post, please follow me on Facebook, Twitter, or via e-mail subscription. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

 

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