Players can be players every other time of the year, but the holidays make it really hard. People who are in multiple relationships will inevitably get busted based on how they choose to spend the holidays.
Christmas isn’t as much of a barometer. Most of us have family obligations and have to make rounds. There’s lots of time to sneak away on Christmas.
But New Years’ Eve is an entirely different story.
I always knew where I stood with men based on whether or not they planned to spend NYE with me. I had a hard and fast rule. As far as I was concerned, if a guy didn’t want to ring in the new year with me, he didn’t need to occupy any of my time in the upcoming year.
I have plenty of experience with the New Years’ Eve brush-off, and I realize that the most expert players will come up with compelling reasons to get a NYE pass.
I was once dating guy with whom I attempted to solidify holiday plans. It was a long distance relationship (my first mistake), so he planned to be in town for Christmas, albeit busy with family obligations. I didn’t push back on Christmas plans (because, really? It’s difficult to disrupt my relaxing tradition of TLC marathons and Thai food on Christmas day).
He got squirrely when I tried to nail down the NYE plan.
He had a travel-intensive job, and had to be in his next city on January 1st, which would determine where he rang in the New Year. He was adamant that he wanted me to join him, but the issue was that he wasn’t yet sure of the city. He insisted that he would let me know the minute he knew where he would have to be.
The plan sounded suspicious (if not ridiculous – WHO works on January 1st??), but I was interested to see how it would play out.
He had me on hold for weeks, and finally, during the week before Christmas when he STILL didn’t know where he would have to be on January 1st (allegedly), it was crystal clear that he had no intentions of spending the holiday with me.
In layman terms? He was on some serious bullshit.
In one of my finest moments, I waited until Christmas Eve to call him and break it off, instructing him to keep his Christmas gift (which I doubt existed – and if it did, it was probably something awful, like a Lady Stetson cologne and powder set).
He protested, but I think he was relieved. Months later, I found out that there was a strong possibility that he was married. I was grateful for the New Years’ Eve episode for showing his true colors, and I felt badly for his wife, who was clearly color blind.
In a similar situation, one of my friends was dating a guy who told her that he was too depressed to ring in the New Year with a big celebration because he wasn’t where he wanted to be in his life. He had a lot of soul-searching to do, so perhaps they could skip the festivities for that year. When she offered to spend a quiet night with him, and even offered to bring the dinner and champagne, he quickly begged off, claiming that he needed to be alone.
She was understanding, and made other plans with a group of girlfriends. But upon further investigation, my friend found it really interesting that his plan to be “alone” included an evening with a different woman who seemed to be quite instrumental in his soul-searching and obviously miraculously eradicated his debilitating depression.
In another moment that has become infamous in my social group, a good friend and I went to a New Years’ party after she waited for several days to see where a sort-of-ex-back-and-forth-potentially-current was planning to be. She never heard from him, so the evening had a somber overtone. The evening spiraled into hell when he arrived at the party with HIS sort-of-ex. The evening ended with tears, too much champagne, and me almost getting into a fight. Not the fun time that I envisioned.
Don’t get caught out there, people! Make solid plans. Now!
As we stand today, we are mere days away from New Years’ Eve. If you’re still in limbo trying to figure out whether or not “your man” plans to spend it with you, my suggestion is to ask him. If he’s even the least shaky about your inclusion in his celebration, gather your liveliest single girlfriends and plan a raucous midnight-kissing mission. Plan not to return until you've seen the sun of January 1.
You can decide what to do with him later, but at least make sure that the new year is started with a bang (not literally . . . unless you want to . . . you know what I mean!!).
Thanks for reading, and look for me weekly in 2012.