No Hiding for the Holidays -- How Players Get Busted on New Years' Eve!

Players can be players every other time of the year, but the holidays make it really hard.   People who are in multiple relationships will inevitably get busted based on how they choose to spend the holidays.

Christmas isn’t as much of a barometer.   Most of us have family obligations and have to make rounds.   There’s lots of time to sneak away on Christmas. 

But New Years’ Eve is an entirely different story. 

I always knew where I stood with men based on whether or not they planned to spend NYE with me.    I had a hard and fast rule.  As far as I was concerned, if a guy didn’t want to ring in the new year with me, he didn’t need to occupy any of my time in the upcoming year. 

I have plenty of experience with the New Years’ Eve brush-off, and I realize that the most expert players will come up with compelling reasons to get a NYE pass. 

I was once dating guy with whom I attempted to solidify holiday plans.   It was a long distance relationship (my first mistake), so he planned to be in town for Christmas, albeit busy with family obligations.  I didn’t push back on Christmas plans (because, really?  It’s difficult to disrupt my relaxing tradition of TLC marathons and Thai food on Christmas day). 

He got squirrely when I tried to nail down the NYE plan. 

He had a travel-intensive job, and had to be in his next city on January 1st, which would determine where he rang in the New Year.  He was adamant that he wanted me to join him, but the issue was that he wasn’t yet sure of the city.  He insisted that he would let me know the minute he knew where he would have to be.  

The plan sounded suspicious (if not ridiculous – WHO works on January 1st??), but I was interested to see how it would play out.

He had me on hold for weeks, and finally, during the week before Christmas when he STILL didn’t know where he would have to be on January 1st (allegedly), it was crystal clear that he had no intentions of spending the holiday with me. 

In layman terms?  He was on some serious bullshit.

In one of my finest moments, I waited until Christmas Eve to call him and break it off, instructing him to keep his Christmas gift (which I doubt existed – and if it did, it was probably something awful, like a Lady Stetson cologne and powder set).

He protested, but I think he was relieved.  Months later, I found out that there was a strong possibility that he was married.  I was grateful for the New Years’ Eve episode for showing his true colors, and I felt badly for his wife, who was clearly color blind. 

In a similar situation, one of my friends was dating a guy who told her that he was too depressed to ring in the New Year with a big celebration because he wasn’t where he wanted to be in his life.  He had a lot of soul-searching to do, so perhaps they could skip the festivities for that year.  When she offered to spend a quiet night with him, and even offered to bring the dinner and champagne, he quickly begged off, claiming that he needed to be alone.

She was understanding, and made other plans with a group of girlfriends.  But upon further investigation, my friend found it really interesting that his plan to be “alone” included an evening with a different woman who seemed to be quite instrumental in his soul-searching and obviously miraculously eradicated his debilitating depression.

In another moment that has become infamous in my social group, a good friend and I went to a New Years’ party after she waited for several days to see where a sort-of-ex-back-and-forth-potentially-current was planning to be.  She never heard from him, so the evening had a somber overtone.  The evening spiraled into hell when he arrived at the party with HIS sort-of-ex.    The evening ended with tears, too much champagne, and me almost getting into a fight.  Not the fun time that I envisioned. 

Don’t get caught out there, people!  Make solid plans.  Now!

As we stand today, we are mere days away from New Years’ Eve.  If you’re still in limbo trying to figure out whether or not “your man” plans to spend it with you, my suggestion is to ask him.  If he’s even the least shaky about your inclusion in his celebration, gather your liveliest single girlfriends and plan a raucous midnight-kissing mission.  Plan not to return until you've seen the sun of January 1. 

You can decide what to do with him later, but at least make sure that the new year is started with a bang (not literally . . . unless you want to . . . you know what I mean!!).

Thanks for reading, and look for me weekly in 2012.


Leave a comment
  • I am not so sure I agree ; or put it this way; using New Year's as a barometer to break it off with a guy as gospel is not the best advice. Being prudent; thoughtful, and focused on one's actions is always the best thing to do. My thought is that there should have been more clues about the fact that the dude was married perhaps BEFORE you are dating long enough to even think NYE was an option; OR perhaps the woman doesn't want to do anything for NYE either...I know plenty of folks who despise NYE!

    This kind of advice is precisely what causes relationships to blow up into WW3.

    For example--woman #1 (W1) reads this article and the following ensues:

    W1: so, what do you want to do for NYE?
    Man: I was thinking about taking my mom to church and then staying in; I am not a big NYE person
    W1: really? hmmm... why church why NYE? I thought...
    Man: you thought what? its a tradition we have been doing it for the last 5 years
    W1: but what about me, I want to spend NYE with you; we are supposed to start the new year together--I read that if we don't spend it together that you are probably a no good, cheating liar--forget what I know
    Man: seriously--you read that ?

    You can imagine where the conversation goes from here...

    The moral of the story is be an informed consumer; don't put yourself in this position from the outset ASK QUESTIONS early on before you give up YOUR goods; then you know--and look him in the eye; are you married or invovled? abd say because my preference is not to get involved with OPP.

    and take it from there

    my two cents

  • So, here's the deal . . . sure, there were definitely signs that the guy was a cheating idiot previously, but the NYE scenario brought them to light -- like, with a strong, hot spotlight. Also, sure, there are people who despise NYE, and if you're one of those people, you couldn't care less about parties, dinners, etc. But I think the two of you figure it out and discuss it before the holiday rolls around, and it's very easily explained. The entire point of this blog (as evidenced by the title) is that people in multiple relationships have a hard time hiding on NYE. Sure, it would be great to determine if he is a cheating asshole BEFORE the holiday, but most cheating assholes don't answer those questions directly (the one that I'm referring to always claimed to be completely single, and has since never admitted to being married). I shared MY hard and fast rule, which obviously isn't for everyone, but the real advice here is to ask him, and figure out your plans accordingly, and NOT to sit around and wait to the point where you're caught with no plans.

Leave a comment