My kid would never

“Mommy, Michelle told me that I need to quit acting like a little bitch!"

Damn.  Now, why couldn’t I simply ask my kid if she kicked Michelle’s ass?  “Well, I know Michelle’s mother,” I thought. “I can simply share this little offense with Michelle’s mom and it will be resolved.”


I quickly discovered that Michelle’s mother is of the My Kid Would Never brand of mothers who, because of their inflated view of themselves, believe their kids are incapable of any wrongdoing.

“Michelle would NEVER talk like that!”  I gave her mother a blank stare as I imagined whuppin’ her upside the head with her Prada bag like it’s done in the fight scenes of Atlanta Housewives—or was it  Love & Hip Hop?

All children are capable of nastiness toward others—classmates, teammates, teachers, coaches, neighbors. But if you are disillusioned into thinking your kid is incapable of inappropriate acts such as cursing, teasing, bullying, cheating, stealing, and other signs of that your home training could use a little tweaking, they will start to believe in their own self-importance.  I will later congratulate you for raising adult jackasses.   They are never accountable for their actions.  They believe they are entitled to everything, even at the expense of others, and they get away with it! Of course your child innocently blinks in your presence, but how your bratty-ass child behaves when she is away from you can paint a different picture.  If another parent, teacher, coach, other adult, or child approaches you to discuss an alleged inappropriate act from your kid, listen to the facts of the alleged misdeed, accept the information and simply assure that it will not happen again.  When you are alone with your child, probe with questions to get to the bottom of the real reason for the unacceptable behavior.  Is it simply mischievousness or acting out of
curiosity?  Or is it the manifestation of more deep seeded issues, such as a reaction to a troubled marriage, challenging family schedule, wanting more time with you, family finances, or the fact that you have never simply never given them a royal smack on the BE-hind.   Misbehavior should be an easy issue to handle.  When kids have a clear understanding  of parent expectations, they are more likely to make the behavior adjustment.   Modeling good behavior won’t hurt either.  If your child observes your daily potty-mouthed road rage rants or is privy to your risqué rated-x adult conversations, you have indirectly co-signed his nappropriate behavior.

So, that conversation with the little brat’s mother did not result in an apology to my daughter, and quite frankly, I wasn’t looking for one.  My daughter is learning to accept the fact that it is okay not to be friends with everyone. In fact, we all must remember to reserve the “friend” title for a select special few. And I learned to put my focus on raising my kids to be respectful, confident, and kind to others.  While we have no control over the behaviors of others, we certainly have control of ourselves.

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