Adam Lanza knew a kind of darkness that haunts all of us at some time and some of us all the time. What can we learn from this young man about connection and relationship at this moment, as the world turns in its darkest hours, before the dawn of new life and the greater light of 2012 and beyond?
As an Intuitive, I can See where each of us abandons a part of ourselves. "I like to take care of others. I don't have many needs myself." Or, "I like my work and I don't have time for a personal life." Or, "Tragedy happens. I just accept it. Even when my dad passed, I didn't cry." The part to which we say, "That's not me," we exclude and then judge as unacceptable. That is the part that will sabotage us - if not now, later.
It will give us an illness where we must accept the care of others, or a pink slip that compels us to reflect on our personal life and purpose, or a tragic situation that compels us to tears. The part of us that is in authority, with which we identify, cannot maintain its proud place forever. And when we are in denial, the part that is excluded will often "take us down" until we know the whole of ourselves.
It is now 2am, and I have finally completed my work, having chosen to spend the daylight hours being the happy mother to an eight year old and her BFF. As I open the French doors of my living room to get a whiff of fresh, cold air before retiring, a most remarkable sound fills my ears. The melodious whistle of a single bird is loud and clear. It is calling - over and over. No other bird is responding. In fact, the night sky seems empty of all life. Nevertheless, the bird continues his cry unabated.
I am thinking of Adam Lanza now, and I wondering what kind of cry happened inside of him. I wonder if he tried to express it, even to himself, and, like tonight's dark night, found no reply from another part of him. What parts did he wall off from himself and say "that is not me"?
When others looked at him and saw something unfamiliar and uncomfortable, who said "he is not like me," and excluded him from further attention?
No one could reach him from the outside and he could not reconcile it within. Empty, lonely, isolated and alone. Like this bird, up at an hour when no bird rises nor sails to its bed. An in between place, like those who die and do not pass through this veil to the Other Side, but rather cannot find Home.
Have you ever had a time or a season where you have felt that way, despite the appropriate smile you conjure for a social cue? Have you looked at someone and seen no one behind their eyes - a lost soul?
It benefits us to remember that all relationship is a sacred contract - one that can heal through inclusion and embrace, even in the uncomfortable moments, or one that can be tragically broken through denial and exclusion - and then we all suffer, most especially the the unheard cries of the innocent.
Let us pray for the parts of ourselves and others that feel unhealed, excluded, unwanted and unloved.
Because the truth is, we are all one.