What Does a Care Giver Really Care About?

One of my clients is a very generous person - always giving and taking care of others. Family, friends and strangers alike are on her A list. Sometimes it is so easy to be generous that she "over-gives" without a thought...until she needs help - which isn't often, because she's pretty self- sufficient. She wanted to know how come when she was needing that little bit of help, that sadly, it seemed unavailable. 

CONCEPCION, CHILE - MARCH 10: A women buys health care products as people continue to deal with the aftermath of the February 27th earthquake March 10, 2010 in Concepcion, Chile. Food, water and electricity continue to arrive for those people that are in need after the devastating 8.8 quake -- 800 times more powerful than Haiti's 7.0 earthquake in January. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

Janet only asks for help when her enormous self-sufficiency isn't enough. She feels almost ashamed to resources of another for herself. When the answer from another or others is "no" or "I can't now," she is deeply hurt. "I've always been generous with them, and now they can't do this one thing (that was so hard to ask for in the first place!)

Can you hear it? The dance is really about this: "I don't believe I'm worthy (worth) of being taken care of so I will take care of you instead...and someday, with all my attention and generosity, you will be strong enough to take care of me. But don't worry, since I believe I don't deserve it, I won't ask often. However, because I attract what I resist, I'll probably ask you at the only time this year you have to say 'no'. Then I will feel hurt, resentment and self pity...which I'll bury and continue to show up as the most over-generous person you've ever met." 
 After a Reading and healing, Janet is proactively exploring her reflex to take care of the world, so she can find greater self-regard, give less to others, and therefore create more balanced relationships.
Who would have guessed?

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