Faith and the Darkness

Recently,  I plunged into a large scale change consulting project, and I lived, worked, dreamed, and ate the client's reality for weeks and months. While it was very satisfying to watch the level of performance and confidence expand as people found their new bearings, I came out the other side disoriented, negative, and a bit dizzy - searching for the me that I know. 

Lights On The Empire State Building Turned Off In Rememberance Of Regan

It was a sudden loss of my own bearings. There were no walls, no markers that lit up, indicating "you are here!" I couldn't find the cheerful, optimistic person I identify as me. I couldn't find the me that knows that even when I feel angry, frustrated or self-negating, Spirit is close at hand and determined to find me. In this dark place, I could not even find my faith in Spirit's faithfulness.

While wandering in negativity and darkness, I felt outside the possibility of connection, understanding, and compassion. Only because I was aware that this world was far from the one I knew more intimately, a far away part of me desired rescue to assure this abyss was a temporarily mirage. 
This frightening reality lasted about three days. On the third day, I woke up, and there I was -  the person within who believes in Life. My native optimism returned. Gratitude flowed through me like a death sentence forgiven. Then I sent love and light to all people who don't feel they have a friend in the Light business. Without that anchor, how does one ground or feel safe in this crazy world? I have greater compassion for this space.
I'm sure it was no coincidence that during particularly grueling collective work at my client's company, we created a saying, "Frustration + chaos = Prelude to Breakthrough." I get it. I hope you do too!

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