Tiger, Madoff, Edwards: Lies, Fears and Trust

I was just chatting with Molly Adams and Brian Babylon on WBEZ's Vocalo radio about how to tell when someone is lying. With our recent rash of famous perpetrators of deception, such as Bernie Madoff, Tiger Woods, and John Edwards, (to name a few!), how can you trust people and why do they lie? 

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All lies start with fear - fear that we are not enough; can't live up to others' or our own expectations; won't get others' approval; or that we are unworthy of others' love. And if those fears are true - that we are unlovable, inadequate, or really unworthy, then how can we feel safe in the world? Our ego tells us that lies will gain us what we think we lack, and help us believe our deepest fears are not true - and then we will feel safe again.

What a formula! But since "what we resist persists", the lies, when finally revealed, show the fear created the reality and now...well, imagine the disapproval rate, the unmet expectations, and the inadequacy revealed in Madoff, Edwards and Woods!. What they finally got was to REALLY feel what they tried to hide in lies. Or, they can stay in denial of the truth - and come back in another life wondering why they keep winding up the victim of others' swindles or lies.
How can we feel safe to tell the truth, and feel worthy and whole in a society where we publicly adore only the best and judge others as unworthy, in foodfashion and entertainment, ala "American Idol" - whose evaluations are often accompanied by withering personal attack.
If you want to explore and find ways to feel safe and fearless from the inside out in these crazy times, try this workshop at Burke's Books in Park Ridge tomorrow night from 7-9pm,
I'll be fearlessly leading...See you there! 

Filed under: psychology, values, work

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