We meet at T.G.I.Friday's. He pulls up in a green gremlin. Gets out of the car, wearing of course a CAT SWEATER. And brown sandals with black socks. He orders one of those big drinks with 6 straws that you are supposed to share with... well... I am assuming... 5 other people. He tells me about his cats. And how he has seven and has just knitted them all matching hats. I then get to see his gallery of his precious pussies inside his pocket album. He quizzes me on their names. He gets a text from his mom asking him if he left the air hockey game plugged in again. He then gets a call from his mother, and I can hear her screaming on the other end about her Valium... she can't seem to find it. He asks me if it would be okay if we stop on the way to our movie to help her find it. The check comes and he tells me my share is $8.75. We then drive the half mile to his "mother's house". When we get there, his whole family is there, apparently to meet me. The cats are wearing their hats. The good news... his mother has found her pills. He asks me if I would like to play air hockey. He then goes to his room and comes back out with a gift bag filled with tissue paper and a balloon with a smiley face attached, saying "You're special". Inside the surprise is some edible lotion, crotchless panties and a card saying how wonderful it is to have finally met me and it could be true love.
I run out of there breaking my heel, falling to the pavement, bloody knees, lightning striking all around, I am a wet monkey, out of breath, lost, alone... and never so glad to be anywhere else.
So you see, next time you think you are on a really bad date... remember the CATS!
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