Are threesomes the new norm?

It's here.  Triple Crown time.  Only I am not talking about the ponies...   stallions.. perhaps.   To be honest I don't really want to know how big the horse is.

Oh. You're confused.  Of course you are.  I'm talking about all the threesomes that seem to want to be thrown my way.  Is it that people in their 40's have become so bored with each other that they are trying to spice up their lives by adding me to the mix?  Like I don't have enough going on without their craziness.  I know we all talked about threesomes in our twenties, and maybe in a drunken state or two they actually happened.  But now they seem to be well thought out sober events!

I took myself to the matinee a couple of weeks ago.  I woke up and thought I would treat myself to go see "The Other Woman".  It seemed really fitting for me at the time.  (That's another blog another day).  So I watch this movie and it was really funny so I of course held my pee in the entire two hours.  As soon as the movie is over I pop up to try to get out of my isle.. only to be stopped by a man sitting next to a woman asking me if I enjoyed the movie.  "It was really funny but I gotta pee" was my response.  That must have been the invitation to my vagina area he was looking for because in his next breath he asked me if I would like to go get a drink with him and his wife.  Why not?  I had no kids for the next 7 hours.  So I joined them on the walk across the street to the local upscale bar.

One jalapeno burger and 3 blue moons later I said my goodbyes and we all exchanged numbers.  They were fun.  We had great conversations.  They wanted to fix me up with their good friend "Brent".  Or so I thought.   I get a text as I was sitting in my sexy minivan thanking me for going to lunch with them, how awesome I was and how sexy "Mike" thought I was and would I be interested in a threesome.  Huh?  I am so naive.  I really thought I had made two new platonic friends.  I declined but kept their number for a friend of mine.

I was sure there was a magnetic sign on my simple head telling the "freaks" that I would love to get involved in a love triangle.  I say this because a few months earlier I was approached by another couple interested in the same thing.   Are all the threesome seekers seeking me out?  Coming to my town?   Is it my hair?  My skinny jeans?  What is it about me that keeps getting me into situations like this?

I have no qualms about how anybody gets their kicks.  WE all have our secrets and I don't really think they are "freaks".   I try not to  judge anybody and I am one to never say never.  I am just dying to know if threesomes are the new norm for bored lawyers and nurses and I am just finally being let into the loop or have they always been all around me but I was too busy raising my babies and watching Real Housewives of Orange County to know they are lurking in every movie theater, grocery store, sporting event....  you name it..  there is a threesome waiting to happen.

I do have a word of advice.  Women, if you decide you are okay with your man having a threesome make sure that you can handle it.  He could actually fall in love or something like that with the other woman.  He could want to spend time with her and you could become the "pawn".  I guess I say this to men too.  Threesomes can be dangerous to your relationship.  But I for one want to add that if you are seeking out a third party, your relationship probably already has some major issues.

I would like to also say that I am either A) flattered or B) feeling like the girl hand picked me because I'm not a threat!   I can't decide.   I do know that the next time I innocently take myself on a date to the matinee, I will make sure I wear my best panties.

 

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  • Isle? Aisle?

  • In reply to Aquinas wired:

    I never said I was smart.

  • I also have a word of advice. Women, if your man asks you if you'd like to have a threesome, ask him which of his man pals he'd like to have join in.

  • In reply to Dennis Byrne:

    and that's when they will decide... hmmm.. maybe I don't want one!

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    In reply to Vicki:

    Actually some of us would. Anyway, this awful blog post lost any sense of credibility when you wrote that you thought that "The Other Woman" was "really funny" when in reality it nothing other than sexist shit.

  • This probably will not happen if you go to see "Godzilla".

  • In reply to Richard Davis:

    the thought of threesomes and godzilla is a little scary!

  • So you are complaining that threesomes lose their spontaneity after our twenties?

  • In reply to johnpseudonym:

    yes.. because we all know as we age we tend to plan everything... and to be honest.. in my twenties I would have never said yes to going across the street with complete strangers to grab a drink... well.. unless I was already drunk.

  • This is one of the most unapologetic Humblebrags I have seen; Well done. This is the "my attractiveness is a problem" variant.

  • oh Ron.. it's such a burden. LOL. :)

  • You are not the only one, Vicki! I think I must have a sign on my back or foreword but I think mine is lighted and has a sound byte. I can not even wear heels any more because I have 1 leg longer than the other so I wear gym shoes with jeans or skirt and a blouse, but I life in Chicago, the new north pole, so no one but me sees it. Still, at least once every 1 or 2 weeks, as I am walking home, a car will roll up and the driver will roll down his window and ask me if I want to make $15 for oral sex. wtf, I am 51 years old and I am a christian woman, I must have a sign somewhere.

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