Okay, we all know about the cougar infestation that happened during the past 5 years. Everone was talking about them. Making fun of them. Young men were seeking them out. And they were proud to be known around town as the little huntresses that they were in search of their meat.
I am here to tell you about a new breed of "animal" that I seem to keep encountering lately.
It seems there is an over 40, never married, no kids, not interested in doing it species running rampant. And it has a penis. It collects phone numbers and scantilly clad facebook friends like there will be no tomorow.
It goes out every night to bars. Perhaps to drink away it's lonliness? Is it lonely? Meeting up with the other over 40 year old twenty something wannabes.
Enjoying a culinary bevy of savory meals at different establishments. Not just eating out on weekends or date night, as those of us with kids or significant others do. Spending all their hard earned money on nice clothes, drinks, dinners... anything THEY WANT. Afterall, there is no "baggage" running around on this earth trying to claim some of it. It's all for them.
These creatures have been roaming around on Rush and Division Streets for two decades. Still doing the same old thing. Wasting away their livers while they drown their NO DESIRE TO SETTLE DOWN feelings.
They are everywhere. I am not sure if they were told that since they don't have eggs, and can make semen well into their 80's, they don't need to get married or have kids until they start to have erectile dysfunction. And even that has been fixed in their favor with the little blue pill.
They run in groups. All basically living the same exciting life night after night. Staring at the beautiful women that want just the opposite of what they do. A committment!
I am not sure what these new creatures are called but they seem to be multiplying faster than the little cougars with their low rise jeans.
Do I sound jealous as I sit here and think about taking out the hamburger from the freezer for tonights special "taco in a bag?".
Sure. I get a little envious of this creature at times. Only because I am single but unlike them I am stuck at home with kids 26 nights out of 30.
But then one of my kids snorts milk out of their nose all over the cat and I remember how fullfilled I really am.
Oh, and in my really old age, I won't be alone in front of a tv with a tv tray and no visitors.
If anybody knows what these creatures are called.. could you please help an over 40, 3 kids, engaged 3 times ex cougar? I want to know what to call them when I meet one next time. Thanks.
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