Just keep moving.....

I knew this day was coming.  I have known for over a month.  And yet, I wasn't totally prepared for it.  I am talking about the dreaded MOVING DAY.   Everyone does it.  Everyone hates it.  And if you say you don''t then I say you are either a liar or you don't own much besides the clothes you have on your back right now.

No matter how much you think you prepare for it, you are NEVER prepared enough.  Sure, I started hoarding boxes the day I realized I was moving.  I went out and bought the tape.... oh and here's a helpful tip, NEVER EVER EVER tape your moving boxes with tape you bought at the Dollar Store.  It won't help you.  You will tape together your first General Mills  cereal box and fill it with granny's holly hobby spoon collection and pick it up to move it to your "done" pile and the bottom will fall out rigth in front of your eyes and you will have tarnished old ugly spoons all around your feet.  Trust me, spend the extra $2 and get some real tape.

Another thing you must make sure of is that the moving truck company you use can promise on their first born or their dog that there will be a truck available at 8:00 a.m. just like they promised.   If you don't secure this fact in writing, then when you go to get your truck, you could be sitting in the parking lot waiting for the lazy blonde to show up.  Even though her company sign and website says "OPEN at 8:00 a.m." it doesn't mean she can't show up with her paper "legal to drink" wrist bracelet still smelling like LE BUDWEISER an hour late.  And then have the nerve to tell you she had a family emergency.  AS IF!  And when you get irate, which you will, she will tell you she has NO TRUCK for you!  This turns into a whole other story...  so just take my word for it and make sure they will be there when they say with a big yellow moving truck for you!

Okay, another helpful hint... if you are enlisting the help of young strong men to help you move, make sure they wear belts.  There is nothing worse than being behind a young man going up a flight of stairs with heavy boxes and seeing him struggle to manuever his pants so they don't fall down in mid flight... of stairs.   I swear my moving guy's pants were down to his shins by the time he reached the 15th stair!  I suggest you get overalls for everyone under the age of 25 to wear on moving day.   It's just a suggestion.

If you think you can move your shit in one trip, you are still high from that big bong you packed at the last minute.  You can estimate all you want.  You will be wrong.  You have more stuff than you think.  I thought I could move with a car trip.. or two.. and one 20 foot moving truck.  I laugh at the thought of that now.  And I don't even own a dresser or a dining room table!  My move consisted of two  big truck trips and about 10 car loads.  And that's even after I  put anything I could bear to part with at the side of the road, for all to take free reign on.  And free reign they did.  I had things in garbage bags at the curb only to find that people will tear into your bag to see what goodeis you have for them.  And then not even bother to put the purple pump that didn't fit them or the lion pillow with a child's old puke on it back in the plastic bag.  They just leave it on the sidewalk so that YOU look like the rude little slob.  I dontated to goodwill.  I gave away. I even left things at my old place because I just couldn't make my body load up one more car load.  I definitely underestimated the amount of stuff I had.

WHY WHY WHY do I need every single McDonalds happy meal toy ever made?  I could kick myself now for all the barbies I bought my kids.  A few things  I have learned from moving this time around  is that A) I don't need to buy buy buy.  Because one day I will have to MOVE MOVE MOVE.   B)   Always use HEFTY garbage bags to move the junk, otherwise its all going to end up on the pavement with granny's holly hobby spoons.  C)  I am going to stay at my new place forever unless I get rich enough to leave it all here.    D)  I love eating chinese food on the floor with a spatula.   E)  Remember to pack your plunger.  Actually, don't pack it.  Carry it with you.   Someone will most likely have to "poo" within the first hour you are at your new place, and that someone could use too much toilet paper and clog it, leaving you to rely on your resourcefullness and use the ladle you used to serve chili with. 

Good luck to all you movers out there.  And remember....Don't procrastinate, underestimate or humiliate your movers.  They could stop mid move and leave your ass to lug it up 2 flights of stairs alone.


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