Was yesterday really spent in bed all day? Alone? Just me and my raunchy night before vodka breath? Laying in bed barely able to move. I know I am too old for this. But I am nursing some pretty deep wounds here. Actually who am I kidding? I obviously have a drinking problem. The problem being I don't know when to stop. Sure, I only drink when I go out with people. It's not like I have a box of wine in the fridge or a case of beer for my kids to stand on to reach into the kitchen sink. Now there's a flashback. My mother actually used to put me on my dad's beer case to wash my hair over the kitchen sink. Ah. Sweet childhood memories. Anyway, getting back to my present day train wreck. I mean train of thought.
I am not sure how this happened to me. I don't remember my mother ever laying in bed nursing a hangover. Ever! I think I saw her drink one white russian during my whole childhood. So obviously I got my drinking skills from my father. Who was NEVER without a brown bottle nearby. My children on the other hand have known what chocolate martinis are since they could have their own "chocolate martini" tea parties. Yes I actually have witnessed them talking to their stuffed animials about chocolate martinis.
I am not sure if this is going to affect the way they view alchohol or not. They see me and all the other mom jeans wearing girlfriends getting together to scrapbook and making margaritas. They have come to associate "mommy going out to dinner with aunt suzie" as "mommy is going to have a headache tomorrow". Is it okay for them to see this side of me? Or should I hide it?
It's not like I am hitting the juice every day. I have been known to go weeks without having a cocktail. In fact when my kids were really little, I would only find the time to drink on special occasions. You know, potty training accomplished, first lost tooth, sleeping through the night, etc. Okay, I am kidding. I only drank on my birthday and Thanksgiving. But now that my kids are older and can go 6 hours without needing me to look at them or the lego blocks they put together so beautifully, I have more free time. And in this day and age with so many yummy choices of adult beverages it's no wonder alot more of us she folk enjoy it. It's not like back in the day when all they had to offer us was Boones farm cheap wine or Old Milwaukee beer. I remember plugging my nose when I used to go out and drink beer. At least until the first one was gulped down. Now there is every flavor of beer imaginable. I had a caramel apple beer the other day. Okay, so it wasn't quite the same sweet experience as going to the apple orchard and getting a yummy fall delight on a stick.. but it was pretty darn good.
I guess what I am trying to figure out is when will all this debauchery stop? I too used to be a twenty something girl swearing to never drink again over the porcelein throne. That was twenty years ago. And 3 kids later I still find myself praying to God to forgive me and to help me make it through the day after. At least I don't get so drunk that my best friend has to crawl over the bathroom stall to get me peeled off the floor and unlock the door. And she doesn't have to hold my hair back off my face so I can throw up on the side of the highway. Those days are gone. I can at least handle my alchohol better after all these years of practice. But for some reason the hangovers feel the same.
Life is so unfair.
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