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it's TIME to stop feeding your toddler (who can walk and talk) with your boobies

So everyone has seen it.  The TIME cover with the hot mom and the WAY TOO OLD TO BE BREASTFEEDING KID on the cover. And we all seem to have an opinion about it. I for one, think this is just YUCK.  This kid can go pour himself a glass of milk, which someone needs... Read more »
By Vicki,
May 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm
• 7 comments

butt.... I love oreos

My children came in my room tonite as I was sitting at my desk.. naked.  They weren’t invited in, they barged.  As they usually do. My little one told me to put a robe on.. that I was offensive.  So I got up to grab my big chenile mom-like robe, when she shrieked in horror... Read more »
By Vicki,
May 3, 2012 at 12:17 am
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Mother May I have a summersault?

Let’s play Mother May I? Silence. How about red light? Silence. Red Rover? Still.. silence. I was just at recess with a bunch of elementary school kids trying to organize a friendly game, and no one knew any of these games.  In fact, one child asked me what SYSTEM it was for.  HUH?  WTF? So I took  it upon myself... Read more »
By Vicki,
May 1, 2012 at 11:47 pm
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Too much NEWS!

My brian hurts.  Seriously.  I have been watching the news for about a month straight now.  I got tired of people talking about things around me that I had NO CLUE what they were talking about. I was in my own little bubble of a world.  My kids favorite barbies.  Disney shows.  What’s for hot... Read more »
By Vicki,
April 25, 2012 at 8:51 am
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File your taxes and learn how to check your oil too!

I have filed my income taxes.  Federal.  Check.  State. Check.  In fact, I have recieved my refunds.  I still haven’t cashed the $26 dollar one from good old Land of Lincoln.. but I will.  Just waiting for the perfect vacation destination spot. My daughter, on the other hand, hasn’t filed her state taxes yet.  She... Read more »
By Vicki,
April 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm
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I traded scrapbooking for Johnny Walker

My shoes are trashed.    But somehow I didn’t spill my BIG GULP. I am waking up to a beautiful view of Lake Michigan on a bright Saturday morning.  A sailboat in the distance.  People running with their dogs 20 floors below me.   I stand up from my friends most comfortable couch, and then it hits... Read more »
By Vicki,
April 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm
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happy Easter

Why are my kids afraid of the easter bunny?   I have done everything right.  Given them baskets full of messy colored grass year after year.  Piled high with more candy then they could ever possibly eat before June.  Barbies.  Movies.  Big fuzzy bunnies and lambs.  And NEVER a single jelly bean.   Yet tonite they are in... Read more »
By Vicki,
April 7, 2012 at 11:58 pm
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The Zoo is still #1

What a week.  We all survived!  I made sure my kids had something planned EVERY DAY of their spring break, you know, because I’m such a good mom.  And I rounded out the week by shipping them off to their father for his weekend, you know, because I’m such a good mom.  .  And what... Read more »
By Vicki,
April 1, 2012 at 10:08 pm
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spring break ... AINT what it used to be!

It's that wonderful time of year again.  When all  the kids get out of school for a week.  College kids all around are traveling to far off beaches to make lifelong memories.   Of course these are memories that for most of them will be a blur since the average college kid spends most of his or her spring break drinking to excess with other college aged students  from around the globe just looking to forget finals and all the stress and worries of being a young college kid.  Hey wait a minute.  This makes absolutely no sense.   College kids don't have much to worry about.  They don't have rent. Or kids.  Or the stress of putting food on the table.  Or missing out on, GOD FORBID,  Jersey Shore because the cable didn't get paid.    We have this all wrong.   I think adults should get spring break.   And all come together on airplanes from far and wide to relax, drink, mingle, chill.  Leaving all the cares of our lives behind.     Sporting new bathing suits and sandals.    And cramming as many people as we can into a hotel room hoping the front desk doesn't get wind of our sneakiness. Instead, I, as an adult get to spend my days dragging kids around to zoos, botanical gardens, china town, train rides, museums, bike rides, movies and restaurants all around the chicago area.   And listen to them fight and bicker between them because somone's elbow is touching the other  one's leg on the subway.  And I can't drink because these children will be up at the crack of dawn ready to embark on a new adventure with mom.  Sure, I could take them to florida.  And do the mouse themed park.  Or to Mexico.  And risk extreme sun burn around my children's eyes because I FORGOT to slather on the sunscreen.   Or a giant indoor water park in Wisconsin  exposing all the other adults to my creamy white  winter hibernated skin under flourescent lights.   Oh wow.  Definitely need to turn off the visual on that one. My kids are already bugging me about having sleepovers and play dates to go along wtih all the day trips I have planned.   Already asking if they can wear tank tops and shorts.  I just want to scream at them that I don't frickin KNOW what the weather will be and since it's called a break, they should just LEAVE ME ALONE. Spring break.  What is it good for once you are over the age of 21?   ... Read more »
By Vicki,
March 22, 2012 at 3:46 pm
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happy 21st my little shamrock

My oldest, my precious, my pride and first joy is turning 21 in 2 days.  And all I can think to get her is a hello kitty nightgown.  And gummy bears. Her boyfriend has a big party planned for her downtown.  And he invited little ole ME.  I declined.  But then he made me feel... Read more »
By Vicki,
March 14, 2012 at 6:33 pm
• 1 comment