Just Because You're A Man Doesn't Mean You Can't Be A Ho

Just Because You're A Man Doesn't Mean You Can't Be A Ho

So...I've been thinking a lot about double standards in relation to sex and dating and how they affect our perceptions of men and women.  There's the old, but steadfast belief that men who sleep around are seen as conquerors...those who "slay" the most kitty get daps and cheers from their homeboys, but let a woman love sex with a variety of different people, she's immediately a whore, skeezer, ho, trick or any other slang term used to describe someone who gets around. On the flip side, women are supposed to accept the fact that "boys will be boys" and that it's something that men have to "get out of their systems." Meanwhile, as far as sex is concerned, women are expected to be a few steps away from Mother Teresa. This is a very unrealistic, not to mention unfair double standard in relation to men, women and sexual expression.

I really didn't notice how much double standards influenced our ideas about how men and women should behave sexually until I was about 18. It was my first semester away at college and I was seeing this older guy Jay. He was a former marine, 6 years my senior and lived here in Chicago. Things weren't serious, but we did reach the point in which sexual history became a topic. Somehow during the conversation, he revealed to me that he'd slept with close to 75 women, mostly because he was in the military. When I called him out on his whoredom, he pretty much told me that was common for guys, especially those in the military and that just about anyone that I dated would be "experienced" like him. I then asked him whether or not he would be so understanding if I had slept with 75 different men and his response was anything but accepting. Upon further review of this new found information, as well as other factors, I never saw him again. I just didn't want a guy who had 1. been around the block that many times and 2. was a hypocrite.

I received further confirmation when I met a friend of mine in college. She was the type of girl that followed her heart more so than her head which usually led her to the beds of many men much sooner than recommended. She dated mostly upperclassmen, known for juggling multiple women at a time in and out of the bedroom. They were known as "experienced" dudes on campus while she developed a less flattering reputation for herself ranging from "nation ho" to "jersey chaser." I can't say I was surprised at this turn of events.

Unfortunately, we all fall prey to this mode of thinking with the exception of a select few open minded and sexually liberated men and women. How many times do we find out that our guy has slept with half of the city and think to ourselves "well, he's a man?" It seems like it's so engrained in our psyches that we aren't even aware of it. I bet some of you are thinking "but it's true tho...what man wants a woman who has been around the block?" Newsflash: Women don't want men who have been "used" up either. We just tolerate it because that's what we've been socially conditioned to do. Some women even shun less "experienced" men because they've been conditioned to believe that a more "experienced man will "teach them a few things." It doesn't seem to matter if both the man and the woman have the same number of sex partners...the woman will always and forever be the slut. All of these things, the acceptance, the rejection of a less sexually free man, the congratulatory reactions and glorification of men for being hos contributes to yet another setback in women's equality.

Men who sleep around aren't conquerors. They are not gods to be worshiped and idolized. Men can be hos too, regardless of what we see on television, in movies and in everyday life. If anything I'm pushing for fairness and equality. Continue to think a woman is a ho if she sleeps around. The term is relative and that's completely up to you to define it.  My hope is that more people will shift their mode of thinking and have that same reaction when you hear about a man sleeping around. If a womanwho has sex with 30 men is a ho, slut or superfreak, then a man who sleeps with 30 women such be viewed the same way. See? Fairness. Everyone is an equal opportunity ho. It's not just a label that is strictly reserved for women. So the next time you look at that music  video where a performer is vocalizing his desire to screw every girl in the world or is bragging about taking home a different girl every night, don't just think it's what guys do...call him a ho if you think so and know that women do in fact have the right to reject men for being such.

Filed under: Love and Relationships

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  • I agree with you that acting as if men sleeping around is OK. I find it just as disgusting that men cannot control their base instincts. But none of this excuses away the discussion of morals.

    By the way, your Marine friend was wrong. 75 lovers is NOT "pretty much common for guys." Unless he was into prostitutes, of course.

  • In reply to publiusforum:

    Yes. It's a philosophy that breeds unfairness.

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    It's even worse when you ask a guy how many women he has slept with and his reply is that he has completely lost track. He has slept with so many women, he lost count! That's scary. Instead of me thinking how experienced he is, I am thinking about how high his chances of having an STD are and if he ever has long-term relationships or just one-night stands. Double standards unfortunately exist and will likely always exist because this way of thinking is ingrained in most people. Until society stops congratulating men for their conquests and putting down women for similar actions, the double standards will continue.

  • Remember that song, Mambo Number 5? I bought the CD and my sons said "MOM!! Listen to the words! He's a Whore!"

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