The Appeal of Security

The Appeal of Security

 

Recently, I was asked if I thought it was wrong to get into a relationship with intentions of being with someone else. The person said "even if I don't cheat? Is it still wrong?" Of course I said yes. Here's why. Too many times we get in the mode of just wanting to be with someone. Humans aren't meant to roam alone, so naturally we desire a partner. Even if we know that the companionship is a temporary fix. I call this the allure of secure; the idea that if we have someone to call our own, regardless of whether or not it's the person that we see ourselves having a long-term relationship with, we will feel complete. Or at least satisfied for the time being. Here's the problem with this mode of thinking.

No matter how romantic it sounded when Jerry McGuire uttered the words, a person cannot "complete you." True completion comes from within. A partner should be a welcoming addition to your already whole life. If you feel "broken" you shouldn't be looking for a mate. Noone wants someone that they have to fix.  That creates a sense of dependency that just isn't healthy. Not to mention getting involved with someone knowing that you don't intend on the relationship being long-lasting is just plain selfish. It's rare that a person enters a relationship thinking that it isn't going to last and chances are your partner is no different. They're going to get invested and put their all into a relationship when you're just buying time which is a recipe for disaster. You WILL end up cheating, and you will justify it. Do yourself and the poor soul who you are thinking about using a favor and just stay single. Hold out for the one that you really want and throw the "if you can't love the one you want, love the one your with" philosophy out of the window. You and the one who's feelings you spared will be happier in the end.

Filed under: Love and Relationships

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