Woozy Hillary Clinton demands NFL review of concussion protocols

On the NFL’s opening weekend, Hillary Clinton left a Sept. 11 memorial dizzy with concern over whether the NFL is doing everything it can to protect players from head traumas.

“I appreciate everyone’s concern for my health,” Clinton later said, “but as president, more important to me will be the health of the American people. This includes all of our millionaire working-man-heroes-slash-patriots of the gridiron.”

Concern over Clinton’s health began during the memorial service’s national anthem when she took to a knee. Some wondered if it symbolized solidarity with San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick or if she was experiencing her own post-concussive dizziness.

Later while walking in circles outside her daughter’s Manhattan apartment* to demonstrate her health, Clinton said neither theory was true. She simply had been replaying Thursday’s Denver-Carolina game in her head and became overheated with worry that little was done to protect Carolina quarterback Cam Newton after four head blows in the game.

“Just Google Cam Newton and concussion. Take a look at those videos yourself. I’m no doctor, but no one watching those hits will say Newton looked in a condition to properly perform his job.”

Donald Trump was among those at the memorial service and said the sight of Hillary should concern all Americans.

“Hillary and I don’t agree on much. After all, I’m so much taller, richer and male than she. But she’s still a towering figure. To see her go down like that during a 9/11 service was like watching a third tower come down. Not good. I like buildings that don’t fall down,” he said.

*Early news reports calling Chelsea Clinton’s Manhattan home an “apartment” also proved incorrect. It is a $10 million, 5,000-square-foot luxury condo that runs the entire length of a Flatiron District block.

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is adamant he’s never “swooned” at a Hillary Clinton event. It was just an allergic reaction to the fentanyl he takes to treat chronic gambling debts.

Filed under: Humor

Tags: 2016 election, fake news, politics

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