AMES, Iowa — Donald Trump today cornered reality TV political coverage by trotting out a heavily caffeinated endorsement by Sarah Palin.
Palin appeared wearing an outfit decorated with 16,000 dangerous needles – an outfit she’s regularly worn since losing her Secret Service detail after the 2008 presidential campaign. In rapid succession, she trotted out every catch phrase and folksy hate rhyme ever used in her popular series of biker gang books.
“Totally cool,” said Chauncy Kinsella, an unemployed son of a local farmer. “It felt like hearing the Spin Doctors at the county fair play all of their greatest hits. There was ‘drill baby drill,’ ‘you betcha,’ ‘going rouge.’ I taped it all. Easily saved me $2.97 in ring tone downloads.”
Off the record, Trump campaign insiders said Palin’s endorsement was designed specifically as a finger in the eye to Ted Cruz and anyone with more than a 9th grade reading level.
“It’s part of our super awesome Back to the Future strategy,” said Merry Lee Petticoat, a Trump spokesperson and former Apprentice contestant. “This morning, John Wayne’s daughter endorsed us, and in the days to come, I’ve lined up Joe the Plumber, Robin Leach, MC Skat Kat from those Paula Abdul videos, and one of Clara “Where’s the Beef” Peller’s 42 grandchildren. It’s going to be a lot fun.”
The endorsement reminded the public of just how much havoc John McCain unleashed when his presidential campaign ignored spray painted warnings and freed Palin from the crystal meth brewing tank to which they found her chained in Wasilla, Alaska.
John McCain’s office did not return calls for comment but did reissue for the 49th time a two-word press release that read, “I apologize.”
SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who alone has noted the irony of Hillary Clinton being literally married to Goldman Sachs in the form of her daughter's husband, Marc Mezvinsky. Google him.