Cubs lose badly to Breaking Bad finale

Despite over-hyped speculation that Cubs Manager Dale Sveum might get whacked on the field at the end of today’s Cubs-Cardinal game in St. Louis, only 14 fans tuned into the last game of the 2013 regular season.

This meant 10.3 million fewer viewers watched the Cubs’ final defeat than the “Breaking Bad” series finale – which also featured much anticipation over a gangland climax.

The loss was the Cubs 96th of the season – not including high-profile losses to Mayor Rahm Emanuel and the rooftop owners. The team also sold its fewest tickets in 15 years, and Wrigleyville arrests for drunken disorderliness dropped to Prohibition Era levels.

“I always say every season is sacred, but this season has been mostly just a sack of red,” said Cubs President of Baseball Operations & Anesthesia Theo Epstein. “But even a bad season has a few bright spots. For instance, I did win my 17th consecutive news conference.”

As compared to the Chicago Cubs season, characters on “Breaking Bad” had a far jollier time.

The “Breaking Bad” finale nicely tied up all loose ends. Most satisfying was how Bryan Cranston's character of Walter White goes on the lam assuming the identity of Manhattan dentist Tim Whatley. Later White starts a new family in the Tri-County Area – all told from the precocious perspective of middle-child Frankie Muniz.

Then Bob Newhart wakes up, and the audience learns the last 107 years have all been a dream, with the exception of Cubs futility that has been all too real.

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, whose life is like an original cable series: drawn out but punctuated by many music montages.

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Filed under: Humor

Tags: Entertainment, fake news, sports

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    SkitSketchJeff

    SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is a comedy writer, thumb-wrestling cut man, and aspiring Futurist. Also authors the #OnThisDate Alternate Almanac on Twitter. Contact jeffwburdick@aol.com

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