Fla. extends Stand-Your-Ground protection to pro-gun activists

Responding to gun owners who fear losing their constitutional right to pursue gun happiness, the Florida State Assembly today extended “stand-your-ground” rights to all citizen soldiers fighting the erosion of gun liberty.

With the extension, gun-rights activists can now justifiably use deadly force in their self-defense of the Second Amendment. They merely need to perceive their liberties to be at perilous risk. Applauding this was Richard “Dick” Enzyte, president of Floridians Eagerly Against Reform in the U.S. (or FEAR-US for short).

“For the last year, we in the guns-rights community have lived in constant fear with big targets on our backs,” Enzyte said. “But stand-your-ground means never being terrorized again. Now when someone threatens my right to conceal-carry or buy high-capacity ammo clips or own assault weapons, I can just shoot them in self-defense.”

Florida State Assemblyman Wile E. Whyteman (R-NRA) said the George Zimmerman Trial lent urgency to extending the self-defense law.

“Look, Zimmerman legally purchased, legally concealed and legally used deadly force. A jury acquitted him, yet he’s the one who fears for his life,” he said. “We hope stand-your-ground helps gun-right activists take the guesswork out of wondering who wants to kill us simply for making America a safer place.”

Enzyte agreed.

“The fact our opponents are unarmed only makes them scarier. In a straight gun fight, we’d mop any school hallway with them, but they don’t want to fight fairly. Instead they come blazing at us with lawyers, all of their debatable debate tactics, and these corrupt liberal politicians who wish to strip away our rights,” he said.

Enzyte regrets that so many extra laws are needed to ensure gun owners their rights, but “it is what it is.” When pressed to specify what “it” was, he sidestepped this and added:Rock River Arms LAR-47

“We’re the underdogs here, as I was reminded Sunday,” he said. “After church services, I went to buy my 18-year-old his first Rock River Arms LAR-47 and got all these disapproving looks. It’s like we’re David standing up to an imperious Goliath, but God willing, stand-your-ground will provide the mighty sling shot we need to protect all of our guns.”

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who agrees with the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre that the only thing that stops a bad guy in a car is a good guy in a six-ton, steel-pulverizing monster truck.

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Tags: fake news, national news

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    SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is a comedy writer, thumb-wrestling cut man, and aspiring Futurist. Also authors the #OnThisDate Alternate Almanac on Twitter. Contact jeffwburdick@aol.com

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