Baby On Boarding: Raising Arizona Kids in 10 Easy Steps

SkitSketchJeff and his wife recently traveled to Phoenix to adopt a beautiful newborn. After eluding Pinched Cheek Syndrome by avoiding all Early Bird Specials, they received from the hospital the “Arizona Family Kit.” This featured a companion book chock-full of local tips. Here are some of the most memorable chapters:

Arizona Family Kit1. Conceal-Carry, Baby Björns & You

2. Child-Friendly Alternatives to MLK Day

3. Raising a Good Goldwater Republican

4. Protecting Your Child from Obamacare

5. Decoding the “Raising Arizona” Amber Alert System

6. Early Childhood Development (or how to not raise a drunk ASU student)

7. Beyond the Stroller: Javelina-proofing your Pack ’n’ Play

8. Dude Ranches: cool. Dude Petting Ranches: not for children

9. Inoculation Do’s & Dont’s (or how to avoid Spring Training Cub fans and other cults)

10. Pro’s & Con’s of infant cosmetic surgery**

** Includes special North Scottsdale buyers' guide

  • For more jokes at Arizona’s expense, see this related humor item.

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who wonders why piano evolution didn’t naturally stop with the Spinet upright.

SkitSketchJeff and child

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Filed under: Humor

Tags: parenting

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