Top 10 Real Reasons Pope Benedict XVI Resigned

When Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation, the news circled the globe faster than it takes an old Pontiff to Tweet “Veni. Vidi. Recessi.” (“I came. I saw. I retired.”) Initial reports cited declining health, but here are the 10 real reasons he’s putting himself out to stud:

  1. Wishes to spend more time with the family
  2. The pressure to enact one commonsense change a century has really become a younger man’s game
  3. Found it impossible to Tweet in German in 140 characters or less
  4. Detested both of his Vatican nicknames: Pope Bennie and Pope Dict
  5. Couldn’t find a good Chicken Parm sandwich with sauerkraut anywhere in Rome
  6. Wants to work his bucket list down by filming an “I’m going to Disney World” commercial
  7. Still felt like only a middle man for God
  8. Exasperated he couldn’t get the Church to raise its age of sexual consent to 12
  9. Didn’t realize Papal Infallibility meant being surrounded by so many yes men
  10. Hopes to take a short break and then emerge from retirement with the Washington Wizards

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who recently placed all of his old altar boy pageant sashes on eBay.

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Filed under: Humor

Tags: international, Top 10 list

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