Archive for November 2012

Twelve Days of Capitalistic Christmas ♫

Western Civilization has bequeathed us many things. One is capitalism, and the other is the Christmas giving season – a combination immortalized in the great consumer anthem “The 12 Days of Christmas.” Of course, today’s holiday season lasts far longer than just 12 days. So before retailers successfully lengthen it into the “12 Months of Christmas,”... Read more »

Has Cialis left serious time on your hands? 10 enduring tips

For those taking Cialis or Viagra, the warning label’s clear. If an erection lasts four hours or more, seek immediate medical attention. But less clear – maddeningly – is what to do if it’s been just three hours...

Illinois politicians give thanks for not being Jesse Jackson Jr.

Illinois Democrats uniformly applauded Jesse Jackson Jr.’s decision to resign Wednesday from Congress. They also agreed it in no way argues against their party’s long, proud tradition of political power families...

Rahm Emanuel: Has absence made our hearts grow fonder?

Despite Chicago leading the nation in unemployment, gas prices, political corruption and more shooting deaths than in Afghanistan, Mayor Rahm Emanuel takes his doctor’s advice to heart: “Make sure to take some breaks.”...

Black Friday sales should be safer with Uggs Slugg ban

Black Friday stampedes at American malls should be safer this year thanks to a ruling from the Uggs Slugg Federation of America (USFA). Looking to avoid a repeat of last year’s so-called “Black-and-Blue Friday,” the USFA called for a suspension of all Ugg Slugg activities for Friday, Nov. 23...

Jill Kelley Infographic: How much junk’s in that trunk?

To view entire infographic on one screen, right click your mouse and select “open image in a new tab.”...

Top 10 reasons why generals oppose ending the Afghan War

Who knew America’s war-time generals were this prodigious. While conducting with one hand the longest war in American history, they use the other (so to speak) to bed biographers, party-plan with socialites and get involved in child-custody battles for non-military personnel. What’s next? Launching a new cologne line with Brad Pitt (Eau de Humanity)...

Obama picks Predator Drone to replace Petraeus at CIA

Looking to move quickly past a sex scandal involving the least hottest man in D.C., President Obama today nominated the Predator Drone to succeed General David Petraeus as director of the Central Intelligence Agency...

Jesse Jackson Jr. readmitted to Mayo Clinic after Bears’ loss

Sunday night’s 13-6 home loss by the Chicago Bears to Houston has plunged millions of fans into depression.  Just a week after the delirium of routing Tennessee 51-20, optimism for the future has plummeted disturbingly low...

Will Chanel give men a Brad Pitt scent of their own?

Three weeks after its debut, Brad Pitt’s Chanel No. 5 commercial has caused quite a stir. More than 5 million views on YouTube. A couple SNL lampoons. Spoken-word poets taking vows of silence. Some women confused if Chanel’s attractive new female spokesperson is just in need of some electrolysis...
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    SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is a comedy writer, thumb-wrestling cut man, and aspiring Futurist. Also authors the #OnThisDate Alternate Almanac on Twitter. Contact

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