10.) If Romney loses, expect him to sell the GOP off in pieces, starting with the Tea Party to a consortium from Twinings.
9.) If Obama loses, expect the Washington Wizards basketball team to quickly lure him out of retirement… and still not make the playoffs.
8.) With the emergence of early voting, I hope Chicago cemetery workers can finally sleep in on Election Day.
7.) Don’t be surprised if Romney runs away with it down the homestretch. He’s the only candidate with a horse.
6.) Does Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock still feel Kay Corleone subverted God’s will by aborting Michael’s son and trying to end that whole “Sicilian thing”?
5.) After the election, don’t expect the Super-PACs to go away. They’ll just air “who's your daddy” reminders on closed-circuit Congressional television.
4.) Will Romney’s oldest son “finally lose it” when the one-millionth voter slaps his back and cackles “Tagg! You’re it!”
3.) Chicago voters: Don’t freak out if election officials join you when casting your ballot. You’re just using one of the city’s 10,000 HOV voting booths.
2.) I’m starting to believe write-in ballots aren’t counted if you put down
“D – All of the above.”
1.) What did we do before FactCheck.org? For instance, I just got a robo-call saying if Obama wins, he’s going to celebrate with a trip to Euro Disney, then go on Muslim pilgrimage, then raise a zombie army of illegal aliens to nationalize every small business, and then establish socialist martial law like in that movie Red Dawn. I need to know if it’s true, but I see no entry online. SO SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT WE DID BEFORE FACTCHECK.ORG!!!
For an index of all 19 FluffingtonPost items from Election 2012, click here. This includes such faves as:
- What bumper sticker would you put on Mitt’s car? (Infographic)
- The FluffingtonPost Presidential endorsement
- Ann Romney: De-stigmatizing stay-at-home ‘mom-inaires’
- A Prayer for Jesse Jackson Jr.
- Your GOP Convention Scrapbook (Photo gallery)
- Hidden bonus track: 3 things I’ve learned from Mitt Romney (Video)
SkitSketch is Jeff Burdick, who ghost writes a best-selling series of coloring books on tape and is fluent in five languages of Braille.
Get notified by email of new FluffPost humor. Provide your address below & click “Subscribe By Email.” You can opt out any time.