Illinois politicians give thanks for not being Jesse Jackson Jr.

Illinois Democrats uniformly applauded Jesse Jackson Jr.’s decision to resign Wednesday from Congress. They also agreed it in no way argues against their party’s long, proud tradition of political power families.

“It was very stand up of him to step down,” said one leading Illinois Democrat. “He did it the absolute right way – by resigning the day before a major holiday. No one benefits from too much publicity for this kind of stuff.”

The leading Illinois Democrat spoke on condition of anonymity because his conscience had not authorized him to speak publicly. He also wasn’t sure if he needed the approval of Jesse Junior’s doctors before being directly quoted.

Jesse Junior earned kudos from peers for quitting only 165 days after he stopped doing his job. He has also been dogged by federal investigations, but his family steadfastly maintains his depression and other mental issues are solely related to weight loss experienced eight years ago.

“A real profile in courage,” said another of the 45 Democrats who agreed to be interviewed anonymously. “He stood up to the so-called experts who said his mental disorder disqualified him to be a proper representative. But since 58% of his district voted for an individual with admitted mental problems, that proved he was the perfect representative for the Illinois 2nd District.”

At a separate news conference, members of the Cullerton, Daley, Lipinski, Madigan and Stroger political families made a rare joint appearance on behalf of children of political dynasties. Speaking for the Five Families was Cook County Commissioner John Daley, known affectionately among family as “Fredo.”

“Bogus,” yelled Commissioner Daley before wiping away slather and gaveling the news conference to conclusion.

His staff later clarified the statement. They said Commissioner Daley had been dropped on his head, but more recently than as a small child.

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is unsure if trytophan or the Food Network is more responsible for his drowsiness.

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