10.) No. 8 — Not much to say about this number. It almost didn’t make the list.
9.) No. 5 — In the high-flying high-fiving ’80s, no number was bigger or later fell further. Don’t expect a comeback unless fist-bumps are found to cause carpal tunnel.
8.) No. 4 — No gold, silver or bronze here. Best you can say: half as boring
7.) No. 2 — Unless you’re China or Miss America runner-up to Vanessa Williams, no one cares. As they told me at my GED reunion, if you’re not first, then you’re not even valedictorian to a bunch of idiots.
6.) No. 9 — Match it with a “6” and watch the pay-per-view fireworks fly. But as a solo act, harder to stomach than a Kirstie Alley swimsuit calendar.
5.) No. 6 — The only number with a pot belly, but thanks to those never-get-old “Joy of Six” puns, the extra heft actually seems cute (as long as it never cheats on you).
4.) No. 7 — The luckiest number? My brain says bull—, but my heart would gladly give an aorta for this guy’s press agent.
3.) No. 10 — There’s a lot to say for the primacy effect. Everyone remembers the first and last… except maybe from this list.
2.) No. 3 — Admittedly a sentimental choice. I’ve always had a soft spot for prime numbers. Also, not even a Mormon (or “especially not” a Mormon?) would hate on the eponym for the threesome.
1.) No. 1 — Okay, I’m going a bit on reputation here. It tops everyone’s list, but as they say, 1.3 billion in a No. 2 country like China couldn’t be wrong.
SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who wonders if Mitt Romney considers stay-at-home moms like his wife to be members of the 47% or honorary non-tax-paying 53 percenters.
Get notified by email of new FluffPost humor. Provide your address below & click “Subscribe By Email.” You can opt out any time.