Most trusted man in America endorses Obama at the U.N.

Former U.S. general and secretary of state Colin Powell – one of the most trusted and respected living Americans – returned Thursday to the United Nations to make a forceful and convincing endorsement of the re-election of President Barack Obama.

In opinion polls, Powell is regularly named the most trusted person in America. Most recently he ranked third behind federal agent Jack Bauer of the TV show 24 and Sheriff’s Deputy Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead. But this still makes Powell the highest rated non-fictional person on the esteemed list, ranking slightly ahead of movie actress Meryl Streep.

The compelling nature of Powell’s U.N. endorsement recalled his speech nearly 10 years ago to the same body. Then as U.S. Secretary of State, he made a similarly impressive case for going to war against Iraq because of his certainty that Saddam Hussein was involved in the 9/11 terrorist attacks and was concealing prohibited weapons of mass destruction.

Like a decade ago, Powell again endorsed another president’s single-minded campaign using a small arsenal of satellite photos, telephone call transcripts, and vials of hazardous material.

“My colleagues, every statement I make today is backed up by sources, solid sources. These are not assertions. What we’re giving you are facts and conclusions based on solid intelligence,” he said Colin Powell endorses Obamain a voice that even grabs Morgan Freeman’s attention. “Thus I submit it’s time for the U.S. to stand up to Mitt Romney’s systematic campaign of deception, backtracking and vague policy promises.”

Powell pointed to Romney’s refusal to provide specifics on how he would pay for roughly $7 trillion in proposed tax cuts and military budget increases. Powell expressed concern as well about Romney’s changing positions on a raft of domestic and international issues, including whether American Idol had jumped the shark by selecting Nicki Minaj as a Season 12 judge.

Finally, the retired four-star general raised disturbing questions about the true nature of construction work underway at Romney’s multimillion-dollar oceanfront mansion in La Jolla, Calif.

“As a card-carrying Republican, I cannot tell you everything that I know, but what I can share with you – when combined with what all of us have learned over the years – is deeply troubling,” Mr. Powell said.

According to public reports, the Romneys are quadrupling the size of their 3,000-square-foot home, including installing a $55,000 car elevator. However satellite photos shown by Powell demonstrated what he called “concealment” activity and the manufacturing of a suspicious white powder, which Powell said has proven to be massive quantities of powdered milk – Romney’s favorite beverage.

“In addition to the milk, the compound is also receiving large shipments of survivalist equipment. I conclude that Romney, if he loses the election, is attempting to create his own independent nation in La Jolla. This would fulfill the lifelong dream of his grandfather who fled to Mexico to do the same,” he said. “After all, what else can explain why any human being would need to have three homes in excess of 10,000 square feet each?”

Soon after presentation of this evidence, the 15 members of the U.N. ministerial session adjourned without comment. They each departed to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather with a final long weekend at their large vacation retreats.

Mitt Romney La Jolla mansion

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who hopes Steven Spielberg’s “Lincoln” features a more historically accurate vampire body count than recent versions.

Get notified by email of new FluffPost humor. Provide your address below & click “Subscribe By Email.” You can opt out any time.

Leave a comment