What is ‘bi-polling disorder’? And why is Jesse Jr. relapsing?

Jesse Jackson Jr., who was recently diagnosed with a rare bi-polling disorder, has checked back into Minnesota’s Mayo Clinic. With the Presidential Election heading into the home stretch, his family said the temptation for Junior to obsess over multiple polls was just too great.

“It’s too bad. Junior was just starting to act like his old self by drinking and hanging out with different women,” said his wife Chicago Alderman Sandi Jackson. “Of course, it’s never easy sending a mentally imbalanced black man to Minnesota in the heart of hunting season, but it was our best available option.”

Bi-polling disorder is an acute form of political OCD that leads to obsessing over all polling data and wanting to re-poll everything. (A milder form is common among political animals and treated by regularly attending non-political resort weekends hosted by special interest groups.)

The Congressman’s father Jesse Jackson Sr. confirmed his son’s return to Mayo. The father spoke from Brookfield, Wis., where he was trying to pressure victims of the salon shooting to let him grief counsel them in front of TV cameras.

“We’ve concluded the healthiest way for Junior to represent his constituents is to continue remaining as far away from politics as possible,” he said.

Critics charged this means Junior is effectively “Mayo-ing in” his re-election campaign; however, Alderman Jackson disputed this. She pointed to Junior’s “robo-call” this weekend to residents in his U.S. House district. She also disagreed this was an overly impersonal way to communicate with voters.

“Voters shouldn’t feel slighted. This is how Junior communicates with all of us. He records one message and then uses an automated service to forward it to me and all relatives. This helps him dedicate every waking minute to getting healthy and overcoming these crippling polls,” she said.

Charity Grimes, a 27-year-old VIP hostess in D.C., said she too received a robo-call from Junior, but hers was different from the constituent robo-call. All of her female friends received the same automated voice message to see if anyone was up for drinks that night. She and a friend replied and joined Junior at the Bier Baron Tavern near Dupont Circle.

Asked if the congressman’s behavior seemed off in any way, Grimes said, “I don’t know what bi-polling means, but if you mean mood swings, I’d say no. He struck me as a pretty consistent drunk, at least when I was around.

“However, he kept polling us like a focus group, asking what we thought of each specialty beer on the menu. He was pretty exhaustive: wheat ales versus trappist versus stouts. It was tiring because I’m basically a ‘Near Beer’ girl – whatever beer is nearest works for me,” she said. “So once he started in on the fruit-flavored and gluten-free beers, I was out of there.”

Related Jesse Jr. postings:

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is comforted knowing a healthy representative democracy does not require running healthy representatives. For more FluffingtonPost humor, visit BurdickComm.com.

Get notified by email of new FluffPost humor. Provide your address below & click “Subscribe By Email.” You can opt out any time.

Leave a comment