Taking a populist page from the first George Bush’s playbook, Ann Romney last night emphatically declared: “Read my lips. No new tax returns!”
With no more than a stern horse-trainer's tone and jabbing finger, Ann proved more effective than her husband Mitt at silencing calls for more family tax disclosures. (See portions of NBC interview here.) Political observers now believe this ends all questions about whether the Romneys pay less taxes than the stable boy who cares for their Olympic horse Rafalca.
“I appreciate all Americans who accept our word that we’re being transparent,” Ann said. “Look, all my wealth is in a blind trust. Even I don’t know what’s in there. So we’re not hiding anything from the voters that isn’t being hidden from me. How much more transparent can we be than that?”
With the tax return issue now behind them, Ann opened up about an issue very dear to her heart: removing the stigma under which elite stay-at-home wives have long suffered.
“People misunderstand wealthy stay-at-home moms and think we like being stuck at home,” she said. “Heck no. We’d much rather be ladies who lunch or trophy wives entrusted with credit cards to go on shopping sprees. Believe me: it doesn’t take long for even the most luxurious 8-bedroom, 12½-bath lake home to feel like a prison.”
Ann emphasized she’s not bitter and doesn’t regret never using her BYU French degree to pursue a lucrative career of her own. In fact, the opposite is true. She was so proud of her stay-at-home work that she opted to remain at home another 12 years after the last of her children left for college.
The stay-at-home achievement she’s most proud is ensuring her children developed unique identities outside their prominent father’s shadow. This began at birth by not allowing Mitt to name the children after himself or any of the great polygamists in Mormon history.
“I insisted our five boys be named as differently as possible from Mitt. That’s why they’re named Matt, Tagg, Taxx, Dodge and Gordon Gekko,” Ann said. “This helped them become true individuals and avoid becoming stay-at-home sons as adults – as befalls far too many children from great wealth.”
When Ann becomes First Lady, her dream is to host the first-ever White House Stay-at-Home Summit. But if this is too ambitious an undertaking, she’ll settle for hosting weekly live Tweet sessions during midday episodes of Giada at Home on the Food Network.
For related Romney humor, enjoy:
- Gallery: 10 Funny Photos for Your GOP Convention Scrapbook
- Your “Fun Guide” to the Republican National Convention
- Gallery: “10 Wry Photos about the Magical Romney/Ryan Ticket”
- Video: “3 Things I've Learned from Mitt Romney”
SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who aspires to one day become a bro who brunches. For more FluffingtonPost humor, visit BurdickComm.com.
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