PeTAB: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal Balloons

The FluffingtonPost takes its role as public trust seriously and enjoys building stronger, more conscientious communities by running Public Service Announcements like this one. As they say, “The more you know, the fewer surplus memory cells you can spare losing to drink.”

Like most spin-offs (think The Apprentice with Martha Stewart, the Winter Olympics or Lunchables: The Plush Toy), PeTAB is both less renown and successful than its parent organization PeTA. Yet, the work of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal Balloons (PeTAB) is no less critical and inspiring.

PeTAB works globally to amplify the tiny screeches of millions of balloons as they are cruelly twisted into unnatural shapes – including to the point of exploding. Thus PeTAB asks:

  • How long must we feed human vanity with an endless supply of fancy balloon hats?
  • By entertaining children this way, aren’t we numbing them to brutality?
  • And why are twisted balloon shapes seldom recognizable, even when explained?

The bane of party clowns everywhere, PeTAB was established in the wake of the destructive mime-clown water balloon riots of 1969. Since then, PeTAB has worked tirelessly to hold a reflective Mylar balloon up to balloon injustice until society recognizes its ultimate responsibility. Help pop the myth by joining our elastic ranks today.

Animal balloon

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who operates a balloon-rescue center out of a canopy tent in his backyard. For more FluffingtonPost humor, visit BurdickComm.com.

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Filed under: Humor

Tags: fake news

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    SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is a comedy writer, thumb-wrestling cut man, and aspiring Futurist. Also authors the #OnThisDate Alternate Almanac on Twitter. Contact jeffwburdick@aol.com

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