Ahead of Sunday’s Bachelorette finale, here are 10 Nobel Prize-worthy thoughts. And let’s hope Emily Maynard finds love during Sunday’s 3-hour finale. If America’s most adored high school graduate can’t find love, what chance do educated women saddled with college loans have?
10.) Watching the rejected guys get so catty, I’m pretty sure “The Bachelor Pad” is named after a metrosexual sanitary napkin.
9.) I feel for Emily. How hard to find a man with both trophy-wife wealth and the time to be an involved stepfather. Reminiscent of how Brad Womack struck out looking for beauty and brains.
8.) Didn’t Will Ferrell play a racecar driver named “Ricky Baggage”?
7.) Jef – one of the final two suitors – has that kind of lack-of-muscle-definition that looks real sexy on rich guys.
6.) I think Indy Car driver Arie is more ready for a relationship with Emily. He’s been wearing flame-retardant fibers for a long time.
5.) It’s technically not white slavery, right, if the Stepford Wife is conducting her own auction?
4.) I hope they add a skills competition to The Bachelor. An on-camera demonstration of gum scraping would separate the real dental hygienists from those just putting on airs.
3.) Arie’s perfect proposal: “I haven’t chased a woman around this much since I regularly placed 30th just behind Danica Patrick.”
2.) Jef’s perfect proposal: “I embrace everything about you, including your daughter. It’s part of who you are, like that Hep C I got on my Eat, Pray, Love tour of India.”
1.) Pay-per-view heaven: two minutes, two seconds of Chuck Woolery knocking the spit out of Chris Harrison.
SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who similarly proposed to his first wife after three 1-on-1 dates and never discussing joint finances. For more FluffingtonPost humor, visit BurdickComm.com.
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