10 Jokes for Week 1 of the Olympics

1.) How’s your Olympics going?… on a scale from “bad” up to “Yeay! My favorite Olympian tested just under 4 times normal testosterone levels and can compete!”

2.) The British are such polite, gracious hosts. So then why is Greenwich Time so horribly mean?

3.) Loved how the Opening Ceremony spotlighted England’s great feats, like their conquests of the Welsh and Scots. (Although I thought Danny Boyle’s depiction of Primae Noctis did get needlessly graphic for family hour.)

4.) Great to see Mitt Romney’s overseas trip going just as planned: he hasn’t apologized to anyone yet. (Although his wife is praying it’s not an all-British panel judging Dressage).

5.) Here’s hoping Andy Murray can win that all-important Olympic tennis title, or as they call it on tour: “Miss Congeniality.”

6.) Am I alone wishing the Olympics had more synchronized everything? Synchronized judo, balance beam. Synchronized kayak, handball, prancing Romneys — just Doublemint-twin it, and I’m thrilled.

7.) Boy, that Bob Costas is ageless. What’s the chance he’s a 581-year-old vampire who uses the Olympic Village to make late-night snacks of foreign tech crews and trampoline competitors?

8.) My wife is so into the Olympics, but she normally only watches true crime and AMC series. So midway through each heart-warming athlete profile she still braces for that tragic turn.

9.) Spoiler alert: The only record Michael Phelps is focused on is the freestyle bonking medley after his final race Saturday. He may throw in a butterfly here and there, but as a natural speed guy, he’s sure to bring home Trojan Gold.

10.) Yet another feel-good Olympic story: Thanks to London 2012, four dozen mentally challenged foreigners are attending Oxford on scholarship – all relatives of voting members of the IOC.

For more Olympic humor enjoy the following recent posts:

(Up for another 10? Click here for 10 funny Olympics photos and 10 Jokes from the Opening Ceremony.)

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who like the Olympics is known to severely tax a nation’s infrastructure. For more FluffingtonPost humor, visit BurdickComm.com.

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