5 Jokes: Fourth in July; first in your heart *

1.) The 4th of July is by far my favorite holiday – that one day a year my bunting belly shirts don’t look out of place.    

2.) A pity Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer flopped at the box office. Guess we’ll never see its even less probable sequel, Mitt Romney: Robin Hood.

3.) Happy 236th birthday USA. And to our little bro Canada: Suck it! Now that we stole national healthcare from you (along with Pamela Anderson and Matthew Perry), you got nuttin’ on us.
     ► Canada responds: “Enjoy that Barb Wire and Fools Rush In marathon.
          P.S. – It’s not our fault the Queen Mum always loved us more.”

4.) Was the parade perhaps invented to tire the masses under the summer sun while bankers safely escape to their vacation homes? As they say, the more credit-default-swaps change, the more things stay the same.

5.) An Independence Day shout-out to Chicago’s latest patriot-politician: Cook County Assessor Joe Berrios. Kudos for standing on principle to insist ethics laws don’t apply to him.

* The asterisk was invented by founding father Ben Franklin to stimulate demand for his patented small-print bifocals.

Filed under: Humor

Tags: 5 Jokes, holiday

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  • Ben was a man of vision.

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    SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is a comedy writer, thumb-wrestling cut man, and aspiring Futurist. Also authors the #OnThisDate Alternate Almanac on Twitter. Contact jeffwburdick@aol.com

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