A prayer for Jesse Jackson Jr.

Dear God—  I am praying for your assistance in the speedy recovery of U.S. Rep. Jessie Jackson Jr. He currently suffers from unspecified physical and emotional ailments that have forced a prolonged absence from his Congressional duties. You may naturally desire more specifics before granting my prayer. For instance, are Junior’s problems life-threatening or of his own device? Are they related to any infidelities, federal investigations, severe weight gain/loss, or Aaron Sorkin’s painful new HBO series? Very natural questions all, but honestly, I don’t know. I’m just a messenger here. The family asked for my prayers, and I’m trying to comply as best I can.

Oh yeah... just one other teensy request, dear Lord. Could you resist your usual omnipresent urge to pry into the details of Junior’s situation? I only ask because Junior’s D.C. office and his wife explicitly asked everyone to respect the family’s privacy at this time. It would put me in quite an awkward position if my prayer accidentally resulted in you putting out your typically all-knowing inquiries. Junior’s wife – Chicago Alderman Sandi Jackson – was very clear on this point. Prayers – yes. Prying – no. So if you can walk this very nebulous line for me, I’d be in your infinite debt — by which I (of course) mean “even more in you infinite debt.”

I do understand the unusual nature of my prayer. After all, you’re basically my boss, and your request for some basic answers is quite appropriate. I empathize completely because I and all constituents of Rep. Jackson are his bosses too. So given that we are allowing the Jacksons’ to slide and not provide us with the full story, I’m hoping you might extend me this same courrtesy. Worst-case scenario: this ends up like the South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford situation – with his office claiming he was hiking the Appalachian Trail, when in fact he was using taxpayer funds to meet his mistress in Argentina. But I’m sure this is not the case.

I also hope we can all agree with Alderman Jackson on the need to put her children first. Of course, I know you always put all of your children first, but I infer from Alderman Jackson comments that if anyone pries too deeply, it could cause lasting harm to the Jackson children. How exactly? Again, she provided no specifics, but I have no reason to believe she was using her children to hide anything or evade further scrutiny. What’s that? If her children may be at greater risk from mere questions being posed, then shouldn’t the police or DCFS be contacted? Good point, but I say no. Why? Well, I'm just going off the expressed wishes of the parents, or really just one of the parents in this case – as the other parent is grappling with serious emotional and physical ailments that have required him to go into unannounced hiding. But I am sure the kids must be safe.

Yes, yes, I understand how unusual this prayer is. You’re asking all the right questions, as you always do. But since the Jacksons ask for only prayers at this time, I hope in your infinite wisdom you can just leave well enough alone. If at a later date the Jacksons provide more details or if their requests broaden to include, I don't know, the mercy of any court, then I will be sure to forward this information to you ASAP.

Thank you in advance and Amen.

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    SkitSketchJeff

    SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who is a comedy writer, thumb-wrestling cut man, and aspiring Futurist. Also authors the #OnThisDate Alternate Almanac on Twitter. Contact jeffwburdick@aol.com

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