We all aspire to reach heaven, but goodness, could heaven’s customer-response standards be any worse? We send up our prayers but have no idea if they are received, filed properly or dismissed by some sneering clerk. However, I did receive the below response to my recent “Prayer for Jesse Jackson Jr.” It indicates changes may be afoot up there but also that some old attitudes will die hard.
PRAYER INTAKE TICKET
The usual (sex/fame/love/money) Any sign you're listening
Field sobriety test Alec Baldwin is on my plane
Avoid awkward 'L conversation X Congress
Leave Scientology Other:
Thank you for your July 7 prayer received by our N. American Midwest branch. We
apologize for acknowledge the delay in responding and the impersonal nature of this form letter. Your prayer about Jesse Jackson Jr. has been processed and is extremely important grammatical . Be aware we often field multiple prayers on the same issue. In fact, yours is one of one total prayers received on this topic, and we’ve dispatched a technician to investigate.
Please know we
encourage deeply value are reconciled to hearing from our customers, especially from even Chicago , and although we know you would prefer a personal response, we call the shots . Also note we experience high prayer volume from 8 a.m. to noon Sundays, right before weekday bedtime, and after midnight Saturdays. For quicker response, consider praying outside these peak hours. Thank God you .
TECHNICIAN FIELD NOTES:
I’ve investigated many prayers from politicians (usually linked to wire taps and camera phone images), but never for a politician. After review, the consensus diagnosis is charlatanry, with Junior’s exhaustion and mood disorders an obvious side effect of seeing himself in reflective surfaces. Unless Junior is filming multiple episodes of Undercover Boss or vision questing in the desert for a calling higher than buying a Senate seat, such a sudden public disappearance would only be acceptable if his name were Donald Trump. Another warning sign: a minister father with history of adultery and obsession for mass-media appearances. Never a great influence.
RECOMMENDATION: No action at this time.
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- Rev. Jesse Jackson disputes that Mayo Clinic is too white for Junior
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