1.) When the hungry aliens come, the safe money says they’ll target the obese first, but then quite overpay for food snobs lightly fattened with foie gras.
2.) Do overly “planful” parents also endlessly debate possible hermaphroditic names? (My faves: Floribama and Dale)
3.) How average do you think the average American is?
a. – Kinda
b. – Exactly
c. – Disgustingly
d. – I eschew self-reflection
4.) Bumper Sticker of the Month – “Yes we Kant” (Philosophers for Romney)
5.) Weekend fun tip: Road-trip it to Lake Geneva, Wis., and security-test fence lines by luring in rabbits with strategically lobbed cheese curds.
SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who accidentally DVR’d a "Real Wives" marathon and was reminded of Walt Whitman's painful final days. For more FluffingtonPost humor, visit BurdickComm.com.