Single woman/Married man

"You have nothing to worry about," he kept saying to reassure me that we could go on to be friends or something more. I had no idea that he was married when he gave me his number that Saturday night. He wasn't wearing a ring and gave off a vibe that he was single. He was tall dark and handsome and fit the "want to get to know him" vibe on the surface.

It wasn't until after my girlfriends dropped me home that I realized I had accidentally erased the last digit of his phone number in the notes section of my iphone. I went from adding 0 to 9 to the end of the number to see if I could get the right person. I was able to rule out most of the numbers and ended up with 1, 4,and 7, as the possible remaining digit.

He called me back the next afternoon. He immediately asked if I was on Facebook so he could get more of a visual. I thought twice about it but convinced myself that maybe he had a hard time seeing my face that night. It was dark out  and I was sitting in the back of my girlfriend's suv with little light to showcase my best features. We had a great first phone conversation, so I decided to be open and click "friend request" when I found him on  Facebook.  It took him less than a minute to accept my request.

I looked at all of his pictures to get an idea of the kinds of places he likes to go and to see if he had a variety of friends. In a few of them, I noticed he had a ring on his left ring finger. It looked more like a college ring. I made a mental note of it. I also discovered that he has a daughter. My, my, my, Facebook can reveal so much about a person.

Later on in the evening, we ended up texting about our day and I commented on seeing a picture of his daughter. "Were you married?" I asked him. "I still am," he responded. Damn! Damn! Damn! ....There was a pause in my texting...

Flashback....I was immediatley brought back to a painful past experience I had with a married man with children.

No! I've never had an affair with a married man. But I have been accused of this. It happened a few years ago in a city I'll never ever live in again. The hardest part about the whole thing was that the pastor of the church I was attending, was the one who apparently had been spreading the rumor to fellow church members. "She pretends to be a friend and then she slips into the marriage," he told a married female friend's mother. I can still remember vividly how her mother stomped around the house with anger, banged pots and pans and said nothing to me shortly after she arrived to the house. I had been over that female friend's house watching a movie with her downstairs. Her husband was upstairs with the baby. I found out later that the pastor had spoken ill of me to this female friend's mother.

I was so confident of my innocence that I called the pastor and his fellow brothers in the conspiracy to express how the accusation hurt like hell. Hell was where I wanted all of them to go.

I won't get into more of the details of that situation. All I can say is that I packed up most of my things and headed straight to Boston a few weeks later. I had to get away from the people who sought to slander my name. It's taken me almost five years to become a member of a church again. I had vowed while packing up my clothes with tear filled eyes that I would NEVER step foot in a church again. It was too hard at that time for me to separate my relationship with God from the male abuse of spiritiual power behind the pulpit.

Fast forward to this married man...I explained to him in text that I didn't want to be the reason a married woman questions the nature of her relationship with her husband. I value my reputation and keep my distance from married men.

He continued texting that I had nothing to worry about. He had the nerve to request a face to face conversation to talk more about why I shouldn't be alarmed. I told him I wasn't going to have it and was going to walk away completely. "Good night and go ahead and kiss your wife," I told him. I'm not that girl!

I-phone contact deleted...Facebook... married man... unfriend...

While I do have male friends who are married, this guy gave off a vibe that he was interested in more than friendship. Generally, I have met or know well the wives of my married male friends. These men don't text or call me during hours that would hint at something leading towards the romantic. Something didn't feel right when oh boy texted he couldn't call but could text that night. His wife was probably laying in bed next to him while he texted me.

I didn't just turn that page. I ripped it out. I can do without that kind of bad karma.

 

 

 

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    Shola

    Shola’s found her voice and is ready to share it with the world. There's no charge for her occasional Master’s level assessments of the dating scene in Chicago. Just be sure to share what you learn with someone else who’s in need of a good laugh. Shola’s not afraid to jump into a new adventure, armed with a bit of wisdom and a child-like heart. Join her on a blogging journey as she explores love, community and anything worth talking about.

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