So this month, we could post about something that you normally would not, I am choosing fertility. I talk about dating and how to get a guy or girl, keep them, how to act...blah blah blah. But, not that I am an expert but I have had plenty of practice and think I know a thing or two:) Not too many people know ME though and where I am at today in my life and the troubles I have faced so, here it goes.
I am married. 5 years this past October and we have been together for a little over 7 and been friends prior to being romantically linked since we were around 17 years old. I will be 34 in 2 weeks, so a LONG ASS TIME:) We are surrounded by people with children, family babies and what not. We do not have any. Not by choice just hasn't happened naturally. The question we are faced with all the time is, "how far would we go to get pregnant?" There are so many risks involved with fertility treatments that I am not sure it is worth it. Look at Guiliana Rancic, breast cancer...now I know "they" say there is no connection between the two but if you are pumping your body with hormones, that is a risk! I am not willing to take that. Do you adopt? Egg Donor? What do you? The expense is insane and there is no guarantee you will get pregnant with invitro. Thank you God for blessing me with awful hormones!
This is a constant thought in my head. It is depressing and aggravating. I see these people on the news who hurt children, when there are so many women out there that cannot conceive. As I get older, my parents get older and it puts pressure on me to make a decision because I want them to be around for 100 years to watch a grand baby grow! I think about getting older myself and one day, I maybe alone and old...who will be there for me? Will I die alone? I tell ya, the brain of a depressed soul is a scary one and IT IS CONSTANT! Now you would never know that I am dark and gloomy because I am usually laughing and joking but there is a scary place inside me that lurks around bedtime. When I was told I couldn't have kids, it didn't seem like a big deal or a permanent in my life...I thought, "we will do this! WE WILL HAVE A BABY OF OUR OWN!" But 4 years later, that has become reality. You can never plan your life, like my tattoo says ONLY TOMORROW LEADS MY WAY.
So my question is still unanswered and it will always be... maybe it wasn't a question. Maybe this was just a post for myself. Maybe this is just a way to find hope, get info, reach a bigger group that had a similar story but it ended happier.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Tags: children, depression, fertility, hormones, marriage
female-hitch
November 23, 2011 at 12:00 am