I love you, Fitbit One... even if you point out my shortcomings

Dear Fitbit One,

I know I've been upset the last couple of days because I found out that I could have bought you at a discount through the wellness program offered by my new employer, but I hope you don't think that means that I don't love you. I do. I really do love you. I don't know how I lost weight before I had you. You are such a handy little fella, telling me how many steps I've taken and flights of stairs I have climbed.

I know we have only been together since Sunday, but I can't imagine my life without you. You've got so many great qualities that I never thought I would even want in a pedometer. Your silent alarm comes in so handy when I have to wake up before 4 a.m. and I don't want to disturb the toddler that crawled into my bed to "cuddle" in the middle of the night. And by cuddle I mean scream at the top of his lungs that he wants his cup (which was in his bed) and when I go to retrieve the cup, he has spread himself across my bed leaving a sliver of space for me. Yes, a two year old can manage to take up a whole queen size bed.

But, my dearest Fitbit One, you are there with me in the middle of the night. You track when I wake up and how restless I am (thank you, my friend, for informing me that I woke up 9 times last night). You connect with my calorie counter and tell me how many calories I need to burn before I reach my goal (and also thanks for telling me I'm fat and went over my calorie intake today).

Not only are you functional, my love, you are adorable. You have a little flower image that grows with how active I am on a given day. You are tiny and cute and clip right onto anything that I need you to clip onto. I find it extremely handy when you're clipped to my bra. Not only do you keep accurate count of my steps and stairs, you also make it amusingly uncomfortable for anyone around when I reach into my shirt to check my stats. I love those quirky attributes.

I can't tell you how much I love your mileage tracker. I don't know what I did before I knew how far I'd walked on any given day. I mean, I had no idea I walked nearly 4 miles today... which means I don't have to go running for a mile or so after work (Don't remind me AGAIN that I'm over my calorie intake, I got it... geez!).

Your clock feature always keeps me on time (with the aid of your alarm feature). I mean, I'd be late everywhere this week if it wasn't for you. I would also forget my pill. That could be the most useful alarm! Not that I get much action beyond your alarm vibrations between my breasts.

Don't you worry about that, though, lovely Fitbit One. With you between my breasts, we'll be attracting attention soon enough. I mean, how can I not lose all the weight I strive to lose when you so kindly alert me that I haven't been active enough and that I have over-eaten. I mean, you find creative ways to tell me about my shortcomings so that I can better myself (or to make fun of me in your own peculiar way).

I love you Fitbit One. I'm so glad I bought you, even if I paid full price and you tell me things I may not want to hear. I love you even though I could have gotten a wrist version of one of your relatives at a much more discounted price and not have alerts to my failures.

I love you and the tough love you give me in return. Now I'm going to count the steps into my bed. I stayed up late to write to you. I hope you feel special. I don't even stay up late for the offspring (and he, like you, wakes me up long before I'm ready)! I hope you know how much you mean to me. I'm so glad to have you in my life.

Very sincerely yours,

Fat Mommy


Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Leave a comment