Women Are Having Anal Sex for All the Wrong Reasons

Anna Breslaw, a sex editor for Cosmo, interviewed what she calls two “anal sex enthusiasts” in an online article that was published November 14, 2013. Here’s what these modern, empowered backdoor enthusiasts had to say about inserting a man’s erect penis into their teeny tiny anuses.

“I usually only do it when drunk and if trying to impress the lucky dude I'm with.”

“When it happens, it's because I've conceded. Depends on how much I'm into him... and afterwards, I kind of feel like he "owes me something."

“It feels tight and not pleasant.”

"It never really feels good. Just becomes more tolerable, I suppose. It also depends on the size of his manhood. "

Pardon my French, but are you f*cking kidding me?

Obviously, the Cosmo of 2013 is not a call to arms like the "The Feminine Mystique", which I’ll admit I just had to Google to remind myself who wrote it. Yet even with my pathetically anemic feminist education, I have little doubt that Cosmo’s founder, Helen Gurley Brown, is rolling over in her grave upon reading that today's rockin' badass women are engaging in anal sex for all the wrong reasons. What the heck happened to owning, enjoying, basking in and celebrating our own sexual needs, powers and desires?

On the Cosmo site, here’s how they describe Gurley Brown's legacy in a quote by Dr. Joyce Brothers, who died earlier this year at the age of 85.

"Over the years, the magazine has consistently given women permission to steer their own sexuality," says Joyce Brothers, PhD, renowned psychologist and syndicated columnist for Parade magazine. "It empowered them by giving them the confidence to take the lead in relationships and in bed."

Poor, naive Joyce. She thought the sixties were bad. If only she could see how women today are drowning in our own expectations, a porn-soaked internet and a society with more educated, eligible women than men. We're willing to do anything to be loved, including sexual acts that we don't enjoy.

Despite misleadingly calling the two respondent 'enthusiasts' and answers that literally had me covering my eyes in sorrow and fear, Breslaw’s Cosmo Q&A does raise an important question facing many heterosexual women, which is this: why the heck are so many guys fascinated, preoccupied and downright obsessed with anal sex?

When you dig into recent articles that explore the uptick in anal sex – 16% in 1992 to 40% in 2010 – you quickly find two central themes, power and accessibility. For some men, anal sex is an expression of domination over women, who are gaining more and more power in today’s society. Others believe the rise is related to men’s 24/7 access to hardcore porn through the Internet. What used to be sneaking a Playboy into the house has become a video of a woman performing oral sex on a man after he's penetrated her from behind.

Then, of course, there’s the theory that many straight men engage in anal sex to live out some homoerotic fantasy. Perhaps men just want to see just how far women will go to subjugate ourselves for their pleasure, even when it makes us feel uneasy or compromised. Or pain, let’s not forget the pain.

Professor Hugo Schwyzer*, in a Jezebel piece titled The Popularity and Perfectionism Behind Butt Sex, observes what women now do to achieve men’s approval both in and out of the bedroom. We starve ourselves. We rip off all the hair around our vaginas after pouring hot wax around it. And now we’re having anal sex, even though it hurts and we don’t like it, to show we’re adventurous, submissive and eager to please. When will it stop?

If you’re a woman and you enjoy anal sex, great. Awesome. Keep it going. But if you’re having anal sex for the wrong reasons, namely just to show someone that you like/love him, remember that you come first. Your needs and pleasure should come first in every way, regardless of what that Cosmo, porn sites and maybe even your partner will have you believe.

*Update: 11/26/13 at 1:40 CST. Since posting this article I've learned that Hugo Schwyzer, who resigned from Pasadena City College amid scandal, is a bit of a mess these days. Here is an interview he did with the Daily Beast.

(photo credit: Victor Habbick/freedigitalphotos.net)

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Filed under: Families in the Loop

Tags: sex, women

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