Many of you are eager to find out whether Obama or Romney will win the 2012 Presidential Election, which apparently has been one of the most expensive and nastiest in history. I have to admit that I’m not ready for the fun to end. Trust me, no one is more surprised by this development than me. Here are the top 3 reasons why.
1. Garbage TV, Baby
Thanks to my husband’s obsession with political polls, which he devours every night online, I’ve been able to spend hours in front of the TV, watching the dumbest shit you can possibly imagine. Actually, I think the shows I watch are dumber than the dumbest shit you can possibly imagine. And it gets even better. While Bravo TV sucks the life out of me, I surf the web to catch up on more celebrity gossip than my three remaining brain cells can handle. Now that, my friends, is living.
Once the election is over, it’s back to Diners, Drive Ins and Dives, a show that bores the hell out of me and leads me to stuff my face with every edible and semi-edible morsel of food in my house. We’re talking months old Cheerios-in-the-couch edible.
2. Completely Absurd/Ignorant Political Debates
Just today, an old friend and I managed to find ourselves stupidly arguing in my building's elevator over which candidate to vote for. And I say stupidly because we haven’t paid attention to politics since we debated if Bill Clinton really put a cigar up Monika Lewinsky’s hoohah.
Neither of us has any in-depth knowledge of today's hot-button political issues, other than what we hear from vitriolic family members and what we glean from the CNN homepage, which we visit to vacuum up even more celebrity gossip. So our conversation was essentially a run-through of headlines from the past six months…
“Wall Street!” Blah, blah, blah, repeat stuff you sort of heard from your angry husband in passing.
“47%!” Pull something semi-coherent out of your ass, since you haven’t gotten through a full newspaper article in five years.
“Health care!” Pray there’s no counterargument, since you still can't figure out the difference between Medicare and Medicaid.
At that point, the elevator door opens, a woman sees our flushed faces and steps back saying, “I’ll think I’ll take the next one.”
Now who in her right mind would want to bid farewell to this type of fun and stimulating dialogue?
3. Friend Screening
The best part about the 2012 election is how it has simplified my life and my friendships. Like most of us, I don't have a ton of time to get to know new people or determine which old friends to keep. These days, all I do is find out party affiliation. If they’re voting for the person I’m voting for, we can be buds. If not, I judge them mercilessly and take pity on their souls, the souls I have no desire to spend time with. I have to say, using this one criterion to determine who shares my values and belief system has helped me in my life, big time.
So there you have it, the three reasons I want this presidential election to continue. I’ve got Real Housewives to gawk at, stupid debates to participate in, friends on Facebook who need axing, and hubby spontaneously shouting out poll results during our most intimate moments. If that's not democracy, I don't know what is. Can I get a recount, please?
~By Wendy Widom, Families in the Loop
Many thanks to Baby Sideburns for inspiring this post!