Squeeze Me Maybe (A Riff on Carly Rae Jepson's "Call Me Maybe")

Squeeze Me, Maybe

Went to the store for a while

Looking for something with style

Hopin' to suck in the rolls

That now are in my way

 

I’d trade my mush for a wish

Spanx or a bra with some squish

I was so lookin' for this

To get them out of my way

 

My shape was holdin’

Ass lifted, lookin' golden

Tummy sucked in, no lines showin’

Where you think flab's goin', baby?

 

Hey I just bought you

And this is crazy

So here’re my muffins

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

It's hard to look right,

After baby,

So here're my muffins,

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

Hey I just bought you

And this is crazy

So here’re my muffins

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

And all the Facebook pics,

Intimidate me,

So here’re my muffins,

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

You took some time to pull up,

Especially over my rump,

Then you got stuck in my pouch

But still, on all the way

 

I beg and scrunch and appeal

That my sweat will not congeal

Trying so hard to conceal,

The muffins in this way

 

My shape was holdin’

Ass lifted, lookin' golden

Tummy sucked in, no lines showin’

Where you think flab's goin', baby?

 

Hey I just bought you

And this is crazy

So here’re my muffins

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

It's hard to look right,

After babies,

So here're my muffins,

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

Hey I just bought you

And this is crazy

So here’re my muffins

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

And all the Facebook pics,

Intimidate me,

So here’re my muffins,

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

Before you came into my life

Was feelin’ so fat

And you should know that

Was feelin’ so, so fat

 

Before you came into my life

Was feelin’ so fat

And you should know that

Was feein’ so, so fat

 

Hey I just bought you

And this is crazy

So here’re my muffins

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

Hey I just bought you

And this is crazy

So here’re my muffins

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

And all the Facebook pics,

Intimidate me,

So here’re my muffins,

Please squeeze them, maybe

 

Before you came into my life

Was feelin’ so fat

And you should know that

Was feeling so, so fat

 

Before you came into my life

Was feelin’ so fat

And you should know that

So squeeze me, maybe?

 

~By Wendy Widom, Families in the Loop

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Leave a comment