What I wish I could ask the people around me at Starbucks

I know Starbucks is supposed to be a home away from home, but do you really have to clip your fingernails at the table right next to me?

Can you please stop singing this annoying remake of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”?

Hey, you, over there, you, too. Can you please stop singing this annoying remake of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”?

How old’s your baby, four months? (I actually did ask this one today and he was, in fact, four-months old. It’s a mom thing. We all know how to do that.)

Why must you speak so loudly on your cell phone? (oops, just got a call, brb. What? Don’t tell me to lower my voice. This is America, I’ll speak as loudly as I want.)

How did you lose the baby weight four times? (Smile politely; try to hide jealousy.) 

Um, hi. I heard you telling that guy who finally stopped singing “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” that you own a big, successful company. Here’s my business card. Um no, I don’t usually wear my gym clothes all day and yes, my hair usually looks a little less ‘tousled’ than this.

You like him. He likes you. Enough with the flirting and just ask for his number already (oops, that wasn’t a question.) Why don’t you ask for his number? 

Why are you taking so long in the bathroom? I heard the toilet flush. Come on, let’s go, I just drank a whole latte.

~Wendy Widom, Partner, Families in the Loop

Filed under: Uncategorized

Leave a comment