The People versus Goldilocks and The Three Bears

The People versus Goldilocks and The Three Bears

CITY OF CHICAGO

V.

MICHAEL MARTZ
LOVIE LEE SMITH
JERRY ANGELO
VIRGINIA HALAS MCCASKEY

The People will set out to prove that the Chicago Bears 2011 season has been unabashedly and shamelessly pilfered, by the above perpetrators, and we, the people the great city Chicago will prove this to be an unfettered truth.

On Sundays this fall/winter of the year 2011, defendant MICHAEL MARTZ stupefyingly continued to call plays that the Chicago Bears offensive personnel was ill-equipped to run.

The first violation occurred during a contest that took place inside of the Super Dome of New Orleans, Louisiana, on Sunday, 18, September 2011. Mr. Martz continuously attempted to utilize 7-step, drop-back passes, with an offensive line, that at times appeared to be as soft as doctors’ cotton. Supplement that porous line with the deafening roar of over seventy-three thousand raucous fanatics, it was the proverbial recipe for disaster, and almost led to the decapitation of team franchise quarterback Jay Christopher Cutler.

The second violation occurred during a contest that took place inside of Soldier Field, Chicago on Sunday, 25 September 2011, he continued more of the same from the previous weeks’ game, while only attempting to run the football a mere 12 times for a mere 13 yards. Stunningly, on this past Christmas night, 25, December 2011, inside of Lambeau Field of Green Bay, Wisconsin, exactly one month and one week after Mr. Cutler was indeed disabled, Mr. Martz inexplicably and (surprisingly) effectively ordered 34 rushing attempts for 161 yards. Why this strategy was not utilized in the former contest leaves the City of Chicago totally flummoxed, outraged, and in need of justice.

The third violation occurred during a contest that took place inside of Ford Field of Detroit on 10, October 2011. Once again, the there were numerous attempts to utilize 7-step, drop-back passes with a lack-luster offensive line. Only the wizardry of Mr. Cutler spared his life and limbs on that night.

The people of Chicago demand that Mr. Michael Martz be banished from the sideline as Chicago Bears Offensive Coordinator and never be allowed to call a play again.

Even on Madden ’12.

On Sundays this fall/winter of the year 2011, defendant LOVIE LEE SMITH aided and abetted defendant MICHAEL MARTZ as he continued to perpetrate the aforementioned crimes against football. In addition, Mr. SMITH obstinately continued to order his defensive troops to align themselves in the cover-two defensive scheme that more often than not covered none. In the aforementioned (and latest) egregious example of this tom-foolery, Mr. SMITH on three separate occasions had his defensive backfield troops, and linebackers line up in the end-zone AND back-peddle (yield yardage) as the offensive players that they are paid to stop ran simple slant patterns in front of them for easy scores on three separate occasions. The people thoroughly understand the bend-but-don’t break philosophy of said cover-two defense, but all too often, it breaks, bends and loses games.

Also Mr. LOVIE LEE SMITH allowed one CALEB JEFFREY HANIE to flounder at his job as quarterback in JAY CHRISTOPHER CUTLER’s stead for one full month before realizing that HANIE was…

Well.

NOT AN NFL QUARTERBACK!

Which is particularly frustrating , considering the fact that four of those games during the 2011 calendar year have been lost to the Chicago Bears chief rival, the Packers of Green Bay, Wisconsin. (this HAS to be an NFL record)

These offenses have caused irreparable damage to the civic pride of THE CITY OF CHICAGO, and have affected the quality of life of its citizens tremendously.

The people of Chicago demand that Mr. LOVIE LEE SMITH be banished from the sideline as Chicago Bears Head Coach and never be allowed lead the team again.

On Sundays this fall/winter of the year 2011, defendant JERRY ANGELO once again equipped defendant LOVIE LEE SMITH with talent that was far from optimal for a National Football League team to reach the penultimate goal of actually WINNING THE SUPER BOWL.

MR. ANGELO supplied MR. SMITH and MR. MARTZ with MR. HANIE.

If that is not reason enough for immediate dismissal as Chicago Bears General Manager , consider these condemning facts:

In the past seven football seasons, dating back to the year 2005, there are only 9 (nine) out of a possible 19 (nineteen) first, second or third round draft picks on the current roster.

The offensive lineman hail from perennial collegiate football powerhouses:

West Texas A&M
San Diego State
Tennessee Tech
Texas A&M-Kingsville
Vanderbilt (hell, even Lionel Ritchie didn’t want to be a Commodore)

The allegations above are more than enough for:

The people of the great City of Chicago to demand the REMOVAL OF MR. JERRY ANGELO as General Manager of the Chicago Bears Football Organization, and never be allowed to select players for its roster EVER AGAIN!

All potential charges against Ms. VIRGINIA HALAS MCCASKEY be waived in lieu of her hiring, in the future, a head coach for the Chicago Bears Football Organization a head coach that has actually BEEN A HEAD COACH in the of a professional football team, something that has not been done in Chicago since they hired JOHN LEO “PADDY” DRISCOLL way back in 1956.

The people will accept no pleas, and will accept nothing short of what has been outlined in this indictment.

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  • It’s been a pleasure reading this article. It’s hard to find great stories to read today so it’s nice to find good content to read. Thank you!
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