Category: Uncategorized

Repatriation Blues

The USA immigration system is one giant clusterfuck of a ball ache (presumably – being a non-bearer of balls). Add a tangerine colored cockwomble that seriously just needs to spontaneously combust already, and well, immigration headache for all, and not just the muslims that the media are reporting on. Immigration is affecting everybody. I should... Read more »

Chicago won me over, but back to England we go!

Three years ago – right at this moment – I was probably passed out from jet lag. It was the third day of our American adventure; a new life in a place where nobody knew me, other than my husband. It was exciting, and terrifying all at the same time. Most of my previous life... Read more »

Dear Assistant Principal: Thanks for the Unsolicited Attendance advice

Dear Assistant Principal Thank you for the recent “fill in the gap with child’s name” (very impersonal) correspondence regarding Mini Madam’s attendance, and the concern that she has missed eight days in the first quarter, and is on track to miss 18 days this year. She is? How do you know that, unless it actually... Read more »

Be Someone, Not No One

It’s tough to grieve a child when they are fine. He is okay. He hasn’t gone anywhere. in front of me. He has always needed me. But it has taken a long long time to get past the feelings of uselessness or guilt if he had a meltdown – a meltdown, not a tantrum. There... Read more »

I want a cheese and pickle sandwich, and it's not weird...

Of all the things I learned about breastfeeding while I was pregnant, there is something they don’t tell you about. The hunger. Which is incredible because my waistline is becoming, well, waist-like remarkably quickly given that I am only nine weeks post partum (or post birth, for the UK readers – I forget what the... Read more »

This homemaker is making a happy home, not a show home

I can’t remember when I last washed the floors. There is a load of wet washing that I literally just remembered, now, at 12:46 am when I have just climbed into bed, but so cannot be bothered to traipse downstairs in the dark to attend to. One, because – fuck that, and two, because half... Read more »

How far we have come: Autism and Birthday Parties

Once upon a time, there was a mother who had a very bad day. Her three year old little boy had been invited to a birthday party by one of the other children at his preschool. Given his age, it was the kind of party where parents stay and join in the fun. The mother... Read more »

Mushrooms, allergies, snot bag bratty kids and flying.

Flying. I hate it. Not the actual flying part, but the process. The people I suddenly find myself in close proximity can be the absolute pits. The food is dire, and I fucking hate reclining chairs. So. Guess where I am right now. Well, by the time I hit publish I will be on the... Read more »

Missing: friends, family and Christmas spirit

Once upon a time, in years gone by, this evening would be one of excitement and anticipation. Since I could remember, November 30th was decoration day. My mum would haul out her decorations and after much work, pinned fingers and a fair amount of swearing, the house would be magically (having instantly forgotten all the... Read more »

Who in their right mind aspires for their child to grow up to live on welfare?

You’re a parent. If you’re not a parent – play along for a moment or two. What do you reward your child with for good behaviour? Love? A little treat, or a token toward a big treat? Gratitude? A cigarette? The moment your child is born – you have a whole lifetime of love and... Read more »