Mushrooms, allergies, snot bag bratty kids and flying.

Flying. I hate it. Not the actual flying part, but the process. The people I suddenly find myself in close proximity can be the absolute pits. The food is dire, and I fucking hate reclining chairs.

So. Guess where I am right now. Well, by the time I hit publish I will be on the ground probably propping my eyes open with matches while sat at the table of my father's kitchen table, somewhere in the rain soaked south of the UK.

WOO. I'm stuck on an airplane. In economy. I sound like right snob. Don't get me wrong I've only flown economy plus once, and that was by sheer luck of a family upgrade because flying on New Year's Day is surprisingly busy.

Flying overnight is the lesser of two evils. I flew once during the day with two children and no back up. Yikes. Bad call, Mamma. Flying overnight guarantees at least two hours of children sleeping so, better. I think. We are going to be landing at 8am UK time though. The time I usually fall asleep. Let's see if I'm still young enough and fit enough to pull an all nighter. Fortunately, both kids are asleep. Woohoo.

Thus far this flight hasn't been massively bad, but due to Madam forever dissing me and always opting for sitting with TH, I got stuck with the fiddly one. The one who likes to fiddle with stuff - obviously. I think I have said no at least 60 times this flight so far, while Madam and TH were engrossed in films.

In actuality though, there is a maybe twelve year old girl in front of TH and damn, she is mobile. She has dropped her small bouncy ball at least three times. Who the fuck lets their kid take a ball on an airplane? Okay, Mini man brought a drill... So maybe I'm not one to talk. Anyway, the girl is definitely a pre-teen. Can someone hand the brat a tissue? Or remind her to use her fricking hand when she coughs? Gross. Thanks for sharing. Further into the flight, we are an hour away from London - and for the last seven bloody hours, she has not stopped fidgeting. Oh my god! Flicking the light, moving the seat. Coughing - and not once using her damn hand. Remember the ball. She got it stuck inside a snapped bottle. Hahaha. Joke's on me, though - because as soon as I doze off she keeps tapping the bottle trying to get the damn thing out. I even yell stop at one point. Maybe I shouldn't fly at night anymore.

As for other inconsiderate neighbours; isn't it polite to check before reclining your seat? I had my leg up on my other leg just now, and the dick in front of me reclined his seat. Oh yay! Thanks for that. Crush my damn leg into my rib cage why don't you? When you realise your chair isn't going back as easy as it should and there is someone cursing behind you, it means put your fucking chair back so I can adjust myself accordingly so you can recline. Thanks, muppet!

So I've flown a few different carriers across the Atlantic now. I've done Virgin Atlantic, American Airlines, British Airways, and now United. Kudos to United for providing child meals - which the children only at the ice cream from (we did fill them up on McDonalds first - just in case), but my favourite is Virgin Atlantic.

The kids food is good, they get an activity pack, and a toothbrush and paste to clean their teeth. The staff are terrific and the adult meals look edible. I ate a little of United's fayre tonight; but ravioli in pepper sauce isn't good when I don't like peppers, and even the bread was a no go, because the butter had completely liquified! Usually, I have the problem of butter being too hard. One extreme to the other, it seems? The other option was a chicken and mushroom thingahoosit. Now, why the actual fuckity does most airplane food simply have to have a good old healthy dollop of slimed mushrooms added to it? Okay, some people like mushrooms, but me? No. I am allergic to them, but no where on any of the carriers websites is there a place to list allergies. Vegan, yes. Lacto, yes. Gluten, got you covered. But allergies? Nope. Well. That's just frustrating.

So, I have run out of steam on the things to grump about so I should probably attempt a little snooze before the children awaken. I was about to do those anti DVT exercises, but we are hitting a little turbulence.

I'll update more later, I'm sure...

Little sleep - actually no sleep later, and I am grumpy as all get out. Fortunately, both of my children have slept well, despite the hyperactive child witch in seat 32D.

While flying overnight is worth it with the kids, maybe I should just catch a separate day time flight, and husband take the others in future?

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