Announcing... I'm back! Sorry for the hiatus. I'm an addict. It's cross stitch central around here, so it only apt that today I bring you a post all about that very thing.
So today, I read this article: 21 things you only know if you cross stitch. It's dated August 3, 2015, but reading it with my stitching friend we were laughing at the antiquity of it. So now, I present to you the truth about what we, as stitchers, all know. In bold is the comment from the article, followed by my response.
Here is 21 Actual Things You Only Know If You Are a Crazy Cross Stitcher:
1. The anticipation and buzz you get when you stretch your 14-count Aida across a frame to start a fresh stitch...
Nope. I can't say that's ever happened. 14 count was totes amazeballs once. When I learned to stitch. When I was 10. Okay, totes amazeballs wasn't the lingo back then, but hey - I might have young fans. I hear ya, kiddo.
Now, getting all excited for something like 40 count, Newcastle linen stitched over one thread. THAT is a buzz. Yep. I'm hardcore.
2. …Which only turns to annoyance when you remember the state your threads are in. And once again you promise yourself that you’ll buy a proper case for them.
Just what kind of stitcher are you?! Floss is sacred, and must be taken care of like you would a child. With love and protection, even a little nourishment (thread heaven, here's looking at you, kid.)
3. Because although those 100 different colours for peanuts off Amazon seemed like a great deal, they are now a jumbled, knotted mess at the bottom of your sewin g box.
I could tell you why... But. No, I won't. Actually, yes I will. That set you got from Amazon... Is a cheap imitation of the good stuff. It's like buying value tampons. Don't do it. Something's gonna run.
4. And even though you have what seems like an amazing technicolour dreamcoat’s range of shades, you still don’t actually have a proper skin tone. Or a white. Or a shade of green that works for leaves.
Because you don't have the good stuff. If you are a hardcore stitcher like I am, you know DMC is the way forward. Before you get to hand dyed floss. This technicolour stuff... Watch out for that red...
5. The knot that appears in your thread when you are halfway through a stitch is enough to drive you insane.
How many times shall I plug my trusty buddy, thread heaven. They should give me shares (they're not... Bugger).
6. But you would rather deal with that than the grubby thumb print or tea stain that has devastatingly appeared on your half-finished piece. You soon learn to wash your hands before touching it again.
I know people who do this. But hell or highwater... Ain't nobody coming near my Stitchy with anything that marks. I don't eat, drink or sneeze near my stitching. Top tip too. Should you eat Cheetos, invest in a nail brush.
7. Which is an issue when you are trying to stitch on the move. White Aida on the Tube anyone?
Just the amount of space I take up when stitching means doing it on the move is a no go. Plus, people annoy me. If I'm stitching out and about, there's guaranteed to be a prick about...
Unless you're on a plane or normal train ride, stitching in motion is not conducive to a neat finish.
8. You get sick of the cute rabbits and cup cakes that most stitching patterns seem to feature, so you decide to design your own, cool, edgy ones. Only to realise that it’s harder than it looks.
Dude. Where the flying bajeebers have you been? I haven't seen a bunny rabbit, or a cupcake in eons.
Cross stitch it's fun (a Facebook group full of ideas, enablers and fun - direct plug. There are other pretty cool Facebook groups too, but I'm biased to this one.)
Basically there is a host of gorgeous designs about. Now you know, say toodles to your money and hello to a big wishlist. Sigh.
9. But when you find the perfect pattern it’s like a match made in heaven.
Yes. Yes it is. It's like Heaven and Earth. See what I did there. These people should pay me. Dang.
10. Stitching all of the dark blue (150) thread in the pattern in one go seems like a great idea.
Yes. Yes. I've done this. Not entirely sure what 150 means though. That's not dark blue... That's bright pinky red. So as far from blue as you could get. I speak DMC. What's your super power?
11. But it turns out counting across three, down 12, then stitching four across and down one and then counting across nine and down six before stitching down three, across one, down three, is harder than it looks.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I grid. Let's give parking a quick mention. Don't know what parking is? See below. You're welcome.
There are other videos on parking. Hit up YouTube to see.
12. And unpicking thirty stitches because you counted down 11 not 12 and everything is one stitch out is enough to make you want to just throw it all out of the window.
THIRTY? Wow. What a doddle. That'll take like, five minutes to frog (you do know what frog means, right? Rip it...) Are you SURE you wanna throw it out the window? Try 500. At which point I suggest a seam ripper, and a boo boo stick (basically a clean mascara brush).
13. When you’re finally finished everything is just left in the embroidery hoop, because you really can’t look at a sewing needle again for a while.
When you finally finish, it's an epic party, that involves your Facebook stitchy buddies cheering you on as you pull out a WIP (work in progress), or UFO (unfinished object), because in this world, unless you are VERY good at self control, there's no way you have one project on the go.
Oh and don't leave it in the hoop. That'll be a bitch to iron out.
14. And it turns out the wooden hoops don’t just make handy frames. You’ve been known to use them as coasters for hot pots, repurposed a few as quoits when there’s kids around or used one to hang your earrings off.
Nope. Nope. Guess what? Nope. Maybe I'm just not one for tat, but I like my finishes to have some pizazz about them. A wooden hoop is NOT going to cut it. That is, of course, if I ever stumble upon a finished piece... Pesky Heaven and Earth and Glendon Places, and all other pretty producing places...
15. Every time cross stitching appears in a story you get ridiculously over-excited.
No. No, I don't. I don't have time to read stories. I'm stitching. I'm a writer though. I could write about stitching... If I wasn't stitching. I guess this article is a once in a blue moon thing. I know the blue moon was a couple weeks ago. I missed it. I was stitching. Always fashionably late to the party, me.
16. Although you really wish you’d thought of this yourself:
Oh hell, no! I was here stitching things I actually care about. If I wanted to stitch a circus, I'd stitch a real one with real clowns. That you pay money to, so they entertain you, not fleece you.
17. Because it’s got to the point you dream in cross-stitch.
Okay. I'll give you that.
18. And when you look out the world, you see it through a grid.
No. I look at the world, and wish I was looking at a grid.
19. But you already have more cross-stitched coasters, Christmas decorations and cushions than one person could ever need.
I KNEW I was missing something. Tut tut. Stereotypes. While we are here lets debunk the myth of a stitcher MUST have a perfect back. My backs look like what I like to call 'a rainbow puked on my fabric".
20. And your friends are kind of tired of receiving them as presents, because they get a new wall hanging every year.
You really need to get better friends! If people are tired of receiving my stitching as gifts, then the ungrateful shits can give it back.
21. But you’re already thinking about your next project, because you’re completely hooked.
Not guilty. I couldn't possibly think about my next project. There's too many to choose from. Ah heck it. I'll start them all!
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